Essays

It is interesting how one awakens to life. We are naturally born so ignorant and incapable of realizing all that life offers only to gradually and slowly become aware, awaken as it were as we develop and mature. For me, this awakening continues to occur…more and more it seems. I recall one day several years ago looking at the sky and its array of clouds and seeing its beauty and grandeur seemingly for the first time, although obviously I had seen the sky, and clouds before…or had I. It reminds me of T.S. Eliot’s famous quotation “We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” And Joni Mitchell’s beautifully haunting song “Clouds” – where she sings of clouds, love and life though experiencing each, she realizes she does not know them at all.

We now live in Sausalito, California upon a hill overlooking San Francisco Bay with the hills of the Marin headlands as our backyard. Certainly a most fortunate residence as one looks down upon a sweeping 180+ degree vista – a panorama of the bay before one and its surrounding hills, trees and shrubbery filled communities. From our Eagles nest we seem to watch life as it pass by….the sailboats, the huge cargo freighters, the people, the weather – sunshine, clouds, fog - and the birds…all passing by, the vivid scene constantly changing from moment to moment.

As for the birds, the Bay and its environs contain many species, and for some time now I have been observing these critters flying about. Now, I have seen birds before or had I? The first to attract my eyes were a pair of bluebirds that hang out on a telephone pole roughly 30 feet in front of our large bay window. They were frequently seen together and were surely mates but as to their gender, one could not tell as they appeared so very much alike. Singly or together they would fly up to their roost on the pole and survey their territory or so it seemed, making bobbing movements of their heads as they peered about. Seeing them sitting there so often my wife and I began to wave our arms in a human gesture of hello. One day to our bewilderment, one of them raised its left wing up and down seemingly as a response to our waving. We were dumbfounded. The bluebird had never made such a movement before. Sitting after dinner one day shortly after this episode, and again facing the pole and the birds perched there, we shared this happening with our brother-in-law. All three of us then waved our hellos to the bird, and again we received the one-winged response. My brother-in-law at first incredulous of our story laughed unbelievably in great surprise at its reoccurrence in his presence.

This same Bluebird or its mate was later discovered with a marble in its mouth taken from a small birdbath in our garden of potted plants on our deck. We assumed he stole the marble to decorate his nest. Through the weeks that passed we noticed more and more of the marbles had disappeared presumably due to our little thief of a bluebird.

Than there are the hawks… sometimes four or five at a time who frequent our skies. Not sure what kind they are, but they are rather large, dark brown birds with a red spot on their upper beaks. They don’t come to the bay to hunt as they don’t eat fish, It seems that they just like to fly, gliding and hovering on the air currents forever circling and swooping down and upward again with hardly a flap of their wings, thus using very little energy. Often they fly right in front of our eyes, and once one perched atop the telephone pole. What grace and majesty they reveal, and such power and sense of freedom.

Than there are these very little brown birds who in a flock stop by at a tree outside our side window in the afternoons. They always stay but a short time and peck at the bark most likely eating insects, but we are not sure. Surprisingly, they are able to cling to a branch upside down while they peck at whatever, an act seeming to defy gravity. This tree by the way is also visited by our bluebirds who make similar motions, but do not hang upside down like the little brown birds. The Bluebirds come to this tree in the late afternoon before dark presumably for a snack prior to retiring for the evening, and then fly off to their nest in the hills above our house.

There are many other kinds of birds - Seagulls, Canadian Geese, Pelicans, Ravens and others I cannot name that fly by on the bay. It is difficult to describe the joy I feel watching these birds. I think they symbolize something deep within myself… a knowledge and perhaps an identification with my own unbounded, unfettered and unlimited inner freedom and the joy of being alive.

Do you recall those psychological exercises where one is asked if you were reborn as an animal which would you choose to be? In my youthful exuberance of male testosterone, I chose to be a tiger. Now in my graying days, as I watch the birds of Marin County from my perch, I would much rather choose to be one of them. Wouldn’t you? (your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

PROMOTION OF WELL-BEING
March 2009

While prevention is given lip-service by our medical establishment, in actuality only a small percentage of our health dollars and efforts go into prevention research and programming. There are many reasons for this. First, it appears that there is more money to be made in treatment than in prevention. Also, our medical system is basically authoritarian and does not espouse empowering individuals to take better care of themselves – a prevention strategy. The entire medical system is based on cure - treatment, medication and technology. Prevention lacks the pizzazz, the glitz, the theatrics and the life-saving heroics. Can you imagine a hospital TV show featuring prevention as a plot?

However, because of this focus on treatment, and all the gadgetry that goes along with it, our health care system is failing, literally falling apart. Actually, while medicine has made enormous gains in knowledge and treatment, it appears to be pricing itself out of existence. We just cannot afford it. The Chinese government in attempting to copy our system found it too costly to implement. They turned instead to training para-professionals who would be assigned to a particular area focusing their energy on prevention and early treatment.

At the present time in the USA over 46 million people are without health insurance, and this population increases each year. Now even those families considered middle-class are having difficulty paying for adequate health insurance.

But more importantly, our system of healthcare is failing to maintain the health and well-being of the population. Our society on the whole is very unhealthy. Obesity, the present overwhelming malady is so severe that it even threatens to reverse the expected trend in increased life expectancy due to the increase in diabetes and heart disease in particular with children. From 17 – 37% of our citizens above 65 can be classified as clinically depressed, and Prozac sales are going off the chart. This does not include all those others suffering some form of mental/emotional dysfunction who are on all kinds of anti-anxiety reducing meds which the pharmaceutical companies continue to proliferate. Mental illness in fact, appears to be increasing amongst our elderly as well. Not a good sign. Mostly everyone I know also has some stomach dysfunction – mostly diagnosed as reflux disease, and are on some kind of antacid. Breast cancer amongst women in particular is rampant, and the great likelihood of a woman suffering from this disease during her lifetime is rather frightening. Interpersonal violence with all its ill effects is so prevalent that recently it has been listed as a major health concern. I could go on.

The sad truth is that we have not been able to empower our citizenry to take better care of themselves. Instead, we have made them dependent on a basically authoritarian, elitist, expensive medical system based almost exclusively on treatment and cure that is fragmented and failing. More so, while the majority of the medical professions – our caregivers are basically well intended, they must deal with a so called capitalistic system whose bottom line, and basic motivation is money, not care.

Rather than continue to berate the present system, and it is not just the medical system…our present culture is the overriding culprit, we must all work to change the focus and direction of our healthcare system to one based on prevention of disease and promotion of individual and community responsibility.

Taking responsibility for one’s health and well-being is empowering and facilitates individual growth and development expanding awareness, understanding, and wisdom.

An educational, health promotion strategy focused on prevention and well-being is required that will facilitate individual responsibility. This needs include a holistic approach to wellness that considers the biological, psychological, spiritual and social aspects of each being. (Your comments are welcome at JAMilgram@EducationforBeing.com)

“MAKE GOD A REALITY AND S/HE WILL MAKE YOU THE TRUTH”
February 2009

This statement by the Sufi Master Hazrat Inayat Khan has been percolating in my being for some time. Really, who amongst us does not want to be the Truth, whatever that may be?

The question of course is how is one to do this – “Make God a Reality,,,” that is? Perhaps the more primary and poignant question to answer is “what is God”?

The answer to this latter question is Inayat Khan’s understanding that each person must first create their own God in order to discover the “real God.” God is so far beyond anyone’s conception or understanding that one must begin somewhere, and that somewhere is one’s own beliefs and ideals – ones imagination. And of course, one cannot be wrong in one’s creation as God as one can envision him/her/it can be all things – is all things. Naturally, one has some help and direction for this creation from the descriptions written in various sacred texts – you know, omnipotent, omnipresent, all-pervading, glorious, loving, most compassionate and merciful, Mother, Father, judge and so on. Of course, one’s own experiences, sense and appreciation of the divine, the conditions of our upbringing and the influence of others play a vital role in one’s creation so to speak.

It is apparent, that if one wishes to create a God, one would naturally choose to endow this God with the most wonderful and glorious attributes and behavior one can envision. – one’s ideals basically in re: to being and acting – at least from our limited human perspective. And of course, in doing just this we create a being worthy of our admiration and worship. A being so incredible that one can humble oneself before it.

So we’ve answered the latter question “what is God” at least temporarily that is. God is composed of all the beauty, wisdom, power, all the most glorious and magnificent attributes, characteristics and behavior that one that one can imagine – really, one’s highest ideals.

Now, how do we make this God, our God a reality, not just an imaginative construct – a set of beliefs? The answer is simple, yet most difficult to put into action. First, we must act godly. In effect, we must do as much as we can to make our highest ideals of being that are projected unto a separate God manifested and actualized in ourselves, in the life we lead and in the life we perceive. For example, if we have endowed our God with all-encompassing love, so, we must become lovers of life and expand our hearts as much as possible. If our God contains all justice and mercy then we must attempt to behave similarly. If God is intelligence itself, then we must become a being of wisdom. If our God is gentle, we must manifest gentleness of manner. If our God is the exemplar of the Father and Mother, of the most endearing friend, then we in those roles must act similarly. And so on. By attempting to act godly then, by acting out our highest ideas – in thought, speech and behavior - we make our conception of God real. We make these sterling attributes, modes and thinking and acting come alive, actualized in ourselves and in the material world. Not necessarily an easy task, but it is a path that all mystics appear to travel. And most fascinating, by our efforts of making God a reality we stimulate the real God, the divine within ourselves – awakening the real attributes and characteristics of our ideals that lie latent within each of us. Our imaginative, play-acting so to speak facilitates the discovery of the divine reality in us.

Also in making God a reality, we must not only manifest divinity in our own lives, but also perceive this divinity being acted out on the stage of this material plane as well. We can, if we open our eyes and hearts certainly see God the creator as we view the extreme variability of life on this earth and in the universe. The incredible beauty of nature – the plants, animals, forests, mountains, clouds, insects, the magnificent sun rises, the overwhelming storms, tornadoes, earthquakes and on and on. But also in our human family – the glorious physical beauty, the intelligence, the love of a devoted Mother or Father, the sense of justice and fairness displayed, the courage exhibited, the perscapacity shown, the artistry and creativity in painting, poetry, sculpture, acting, etc., the kindness, gentleness and compassion of some, and so much more. Are these not the golden attributes of the real God being manifested in and thru the ordinary beings that surround us?

Now there is another of Inayat Khan’s sayings that is related to this making God a reality paradigm. It is “Break your ideals upon the rock of truth.” As one proceeds to “make God a reality…”, one’s creation, perceptions and point of view a reality – one’s ideals, one’s understanding, beliefs and concepts, one’s actual experience and knowledge of God changes, develops, deepens and evolves. Becoming hopefully in effect more true and more in accord with the reality – not just a belief, an imagination anymore. For our creation of God, our belief of God is of course, not God, but just a means that leads one to increasingly deeper levels of awareness and comprehension – to a greater, deeper reality, a greater truth of the mystery of the Being of God.

“Make God a reality and s/he will make you the truth.” (Your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

WHAT’S WITH THIS MADNESS OVER HOMOSEXUALITY?
January 2009

My understanding of human sexual behavior is that it is unique to the individual through the influence of both nature and nurture, and varies considerably. Between consenting adults, there is no normal sexuality unless you wish to look at averages in the population. And what is average does not speak to what is normal or abnormal. Kinsey found this out long ago. Gender typing as well, as we so easily call this need to separate and dichotomize male from female can be viewed similarly. Uniqueness and variability or diversity. Life is a creative genius.

Scientifically speaking, we are all really first and foremost female (physically) only some of us becoming male (physically) later in our ontology (development) in the womb. We are also a combination of our Mother’s and Father’s genes are we not? So male and female scientifically speaking are both represented in us. Interestingly, there is only one little, lone Y chromosome that makes a fetus a man. And us men think masculinity is so prominent! Genetically speaking, it is the female who is superior.

Really, we are very much more alike than not. Our society purposely accentuates the differences, and minimizes our similarities basically through denial. The reality of our sexual differences, preferences and idiosyncrasies is far too complex, and problematic and perhaps too anxiety eliciting to really explore and face. We have certainly produced an extraordinary amount of homophobia, the incredible utilization of sex in sales and entertainment, including the porn business which caters to our fantasies, while our culture remains generally puritanical in its view of sexuality, and in some parts of the country cannot be taught in the public schools. So paradoxical.

In reality we are both male and female, on all levels, including the psychological, social, environmental, genetic and so on. Since we are really both male and female (a combination) with some differences, what’s the fuss? The vast majority of our male population’s grasping and lusting for the female appears to be a kind of magical attempt to incorporate and/or find the feminine half of ourselves and thus feel more and be more complete. This is done surreptitiously, however, the male’s sexual drive making him feel otherwise - superior. I believe marriage, too, (the bonding of male and female) helps accomplish this in a perhaps more acceptable manner. No doubt stable, enduring relationships produce a great sense and actuality of oneness. An old manner of introducing a married partner was “meet my other half.”

It is also most interesting to note that recent research indicates that in older age both women and men reverse hormonal levels – women begin to produce more androgen (the male hormone) and men produce more estrogen (the female hormone). The effect is that women develop more “masculine” traits and behaviors – greater assertiveness and sense of independence, achievement and goal directed behavior while men develop more feminine – greater involvement in intimacy, communication and nurturing behaviors. An interesting role reversal in later life.

Related to this hormonal reversal another recent research study found that many older (50+) hetrerosexual women are seeking intimacy with women partners including sexuality. Of course sexual behavior is also related to accessibility. In prisons, homoerotic behavior between normally heterosexual males increases dramatically, and at sea, where historically women were not allowed as crew, homoerotic behavior was seen as fairly normal.

Truly, since we are both male and female, we are also both heterosexual and homosexual in potential, perhaps it can be said, bisexual, although that descriptive label may not result in any particular behavior. All of us are for the most part hard wired (genetically) as a combination of the two stretching along a continuum from excessively “masculine” (as defined by the particular culture) to excessively feminine (ditto). Interestingly, masculine and feminine really gets confusing with the advent of super-masculine leather- clad gay men and the dykes of lesbianism.

Really, what is therefore all this fuss with boys loving boys, and girls loving girls. I mean isn’t it nice to love one another, no matter what gender we label them? Just let it be…and them be…all of them and us. Concerning all kinds of behavior re: sexuality and gender roles – straights to gays, to bi’s to transgenders, to you name it….what’s the big deal. Among consenting adults, who is it hurting?

Now, I don’t want to get into an argument re: what is feminine and what is masculine. Surely there are differences - as they say in France “Viva La Differerance.” However, it is the similarities that are more striking, meaningful and impactful especially in our new age where the “feminine” is being allowed greater access, opportunity and expression, not just a sexual object for someone’s desires and the procreation of the line.

For example, I frequently witness girls and boys playing the same sporting games together and being represented on both teams. And I look upon the new generation of young men and women, and at times I cannot tell the boys from the girls, especially from the back, but even in the front. Isn’t that interesting? And most everybody is dressing the same. Ride the planes, and all you see basically is jeans, T-shirts/ sweatshirts, sneakers and a baseball hat. Soft, comfortable clothing for all. There appears to be a kind of homogenization occurring – a coming together so to speak.

And as far as sexual behavior, yes, people have their preferences, and they are incredibly varied. Society, civilization it appears can only accept a certain level of this variability in outward sexual behavior. For the sake of civic harmony, religious based morality, protection of the young, fear and avoidance of social anxiety, it makes criminal and/or morally reprehensible some forms of sexuality that it deems unacceptable. (It should be noted that this changes over time, and varies too by cultures). So although sexuality is really a continuum of behaviors and preferences, we acculturate and socialize (condition) just very specific, narrow masculine and feminine roles and behavior in our children. You know, pink for girls and blue for boys, dolls for girls and footballs for boys, ad nauseam. This is changing considerably now, but still permeates our culture. Our society seems to have big time problems with ambiguity and thus creates polar opposites – black and white for example where in reality it is all shades of grey. As is all of life. Takes a little stretching and some courage to look more deeply into life, and some of us are lazy and perhaps too insecure and frightened to question the beliefs of the prevailing cultural norms.

Getting back to this “gay issue” in our society. Primarily, sexual identity is a complex topic, but for sure it has overwhelming genetic determinates. We may choose how to act out our sexuality, but it does not appear that we choose our sexual preferences. That is a genetic predisposition – hard wired into our biology and our hormones, and not a willful choice. In our homophobic culture and world who would be sufficiently crazy enough to choose to be gay or transgender.

More so, however, since I readily accept the scientific view of our “omni-sexuality” or bisexuality, I realized the other day that our labeled homosexual and lesbian brothers and sisters are really special beings. For they are able to more consciously and directly be and live their “bisexuality” (greater incorporation in their being of the male and female). So, rather than their being discriminated against and abused, deemed pathological and their morality questioned, they should be viewed and treated as natures attempts at a role model of the complete human. Exemplars, so to speak – wondrous, more perfectly complete human beings.

I know you may be thinking, “this is outrageous”, but think about it. They are special, and stereotypes and generalizations aside it appears that many, and more than the general population are our truly gifted artists, actors, writers, poets, dancers, and you name it artistically, and much more so. They also appear more sensitive to their appearance and well-being, to emotion and feeling, and to their relationships. They are also special from the perspective of their being so few of them in the population – between 6-8%. Furthermore, they have given and continue to give so much to society as all others in our population. We need to stop the fuss. There are many more real and urgent problems in our world that require our attention. (Your comments are welcome JAMilgam@aol.com)

WHERE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE?
December 2008

Where are all the people that I have known throughout my life? All those people that I have once known and interacted with and who are now lost from sight and hearing. This question kept on cropping up in me from time to time. I have, like you, known so many people growing up and living life on this wondrous planet earth, Gaia, our Mother including school mates – elementary, high school, college; neighbors and all the neighborhood people where I had once lived; X-friends; colleagues and co-workers at all the numerous jobs I have held; the people in all the different social and business groups I have belonged to; all the interesting people I met at all so many conferences, X-lovers, enemies and detractors and on and on. Hundreds of people at least. And while I have been rather mobile through my lifetime, I still wonder where are all the people I have known?

Walking and journeying through this ever changing life, the thought often comes to me that perhaps today, now, I will bump into someone I have known, and had not seen for some time. But it has not happened yet, and I remain continually disappointed and wondering where are all those beings that I have known – liked, loved and even disliked - and had once crossed paths?

To digress….for some time now, I have been doing a psychospiritual practice each morning. It consists of visualizing a person that I was close to and at the same time sending them blessings – thinking well of them and wishing them the best. A most enjoyable practice, for while I do not know what affect this practice has on the people that I am visualizing and “blessing”, it always makes me feel good afterwards. So, in all selfishness, I continue to do this practice mostly every morning.

At first, I started visualizing only my relatives, and then naturally the practice expanded to include my wife’s relatives, and then my friends and then the members of a spiritual group I belong to. Then recently I started recalling people in my past that I no longer had contact with. Surprisingly, I was able to recall and visualize most clearly the way they looked when I had last been in contact with them. Without really trying or planning, this practice continued to expand to more and more beings – in fact all the beings that I could recall that had touched me throughout my life. There were so many that I became bewildered by the sheer number of people that I could so correctly recall and visualize. Apparently, they were all there in my mind - in my memory.

Then one day as I was doing this practice, I realized that all these beings that had interacted with me for moments or for years, those that I could remember as well as those lost to memory were all not only in my mind, but comprised my very heart and soul – had literally become a part of me. And I realized that I need not be concerned with ever meeting them physically again on some wandered street, for all I need do was find them inside my very being.

Eventually, I also added to this practice, the universe, the earth, moon and sun, and all the sensate and supposedly non-living beings on this planet as well - the sky and clouds, the rain and snow, the mountains, valleys, forests, and deserts; the rivers and oceans; the insects, birds, animals and all of humanity on all the continents in particular those distressed areas like Zibabwe, Darfur, Somalia and the Congo.

I then realized that all these beings, this universe and this earth with all its inhabitants had not really become a part of this infinitesimal little me, rather this “I” had realized its true nature, its greater Self so to speak. These beings, this earth, this universe and all it contains actually comprise what I truly am. That I…this insignificant person - this grain of sand in an infinite universe is really so much more than I ever imagined.

“My heart has become an ocean Beloved since thou has poured thy love into it.”* . (Your comments are welcome at JAMilgram@EducationForBeing.com)

* Quote by Hazrat Inayat Khan

AN EXPERIENCE OF BEING
October 2008

I had looked forward to going back east for a spiritual retreat for some time. After a very long day of travel, I was driven to my retreat hut shortly after midnight in the wooden hills of New York state. My hut was located on a mountain separated from the other lodgings. It was very dark and isolated, and although candles were not allowed fearing fire, since I had no flashlight I lit a small one and surveyed what was to be my new residence for the next nine days. Interestingly, it was the same A-frame hut that I had previously stayed when I was last here. It was perhaps 6 X 8 foot with a rough wooden floor, and consisted of a cot with a thin mattress, an old folding wooden chair, a wooden box for a table, and nails in the wall to hang some clothing. Austere does not quite suffice to describe this simple hut and is accoutrements.

Sitting on the cot, I used my cell phone to call my wife to let her know I had arrived safely. Surprisingly, as I spoke to her I started to cry – a cry filled with happiness at the realization of how joyous I felt to be where I was. I felt I was home – a home far removed from the physical actuality of this primitive hut. Tears of bliss rolled down my cheeks as I tried in vain to explain to her what I was feeling and realizing.

This “hal” as it is called – this temporary expanded level of consciousness - persisted throughout the nine days and some time after returning home. It was a state characterized by an over abundance of love, joy, energy, and a great sense of freedom – freedom from fear of any kind; freedom from doubt and uncertainty, and freedom from desire – the usually constant need of wanting something, anything. As a student striving for enlightenment, nirvana…God, it seems that no matter what, there was always a felt sense of lack…of not arriving, of not attaining sufficiently…never enough growth and spiritual development…just never enough…a kind of felt incompleteness. In this state, however, I sensed that I was where I needed to be in my being – materially, psychologically and spiritually. I was okay where I was in my body, mind, heart and soul. I was okay….perfect really and all else – other people, the weather, the environment, the world felt just fine as it was. Even the cloud of flying bugs that bit me profusely. All…was good just as it was without any need to change anything, improve anything, make anything different, better - myself in particular. And in that state I rested in peace – the peace that surpasses understanding.

At the same time I was experiencing a high level of energy, and there were a few nights that I hardly slept at all, and yet would awaken early feeling refreshed. There was, too, a different sense in re: to people and relationships. Rather than be involved in any differentiation in terms of status amongst the people there, I felt a leveling, a sameness – no one was better than anyone else. We were all equal beings. Previously, I had at times been in awe of certain senior leaders, but now I just saw them as my sisters and brothers. This, too, was most liberating as I was able to act authentically and not in accord with some false sense of imposed hierarchy of better or higher. In fact, authentic and natural was an apt description of how I felt. It was as if I was behaving from my true nature rather than from some presumed personality or role. I was not Adam the psychologist, Adam the spiritual person, Adam this, Adam that….just plain Adam. And that was good and sufficient.

Tears flowed easily during this time…not tears of pain, but tears shed in the perception of the beauty, and wonder of people, events and happenings surrounding me throughout the retreat experience. There came a time when I felt my heart would literally break from the love I was feeling, and that I could not take anymore, but this feeling passed and nothing in the least negative occurred.

What was most fascinating, was that I could not conceive of anything I had done to create this experience, nor did I know what I could do to repeat it. This state of consciousness which I would call a Being state came of itself. There is a paradox in mysticism which states on the one hand make great and disciplined effort in your spiritual practices, prayers, meditation and so on, but at the same time you cannot attain self-realization/God realization using your individual effort and will. You must rely on the grace of God. And to paraphrase the old hymnal Amazing Grace, it was grace that brought me home.

“The one thing to rely upon is God's favor. Do not build either on your study or on your meditation, although they both help you. But you are dependent on God, not even on your Murshid (teacher). Seek Him, trust Him. In Him lies your life's purpose, and (in) Him is hidden the rest of your soul.” (Hazrat Inayat Khan)

(Your comments are welcome @ JAMilgran@Educationforbeing.com)

ON UNDERSTANDING
September 2008

Seeking relief from a disturbing emotional state – a state I considered one of “suffering” - I asked the universe to provide some answer to why I was feeling this way, and what was happening to/with me. An answer came that totally uprooted the question. For while the answer completely ended my “suffering” so to speak at the time, it also provided an experience, a realization of an aspect of the nature of understanding itself. That is understanding ends suffering. The more comprehensive the understanding, the greater its impact.

In pondering this, I recalled a quote that I had read and saved so many years ago that is directly related to this. Finding it in my files, I discovered it was attributed to the philosopher Spinoza. Interestingly, although I had read it many times previously, I had not realized before what it had truly meant. Here it is:

“Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it.”

The statement “…a clear and precise picture of it” is another attempt at describing a mode of understanding or knowing - of knowledge itself - namely seeing. In the case alluded to above, understanding, knowing, seeing the reason for the emotion – the reason for the distress changed the emotion. Disarmed it so to speak.

So…we suffer, because we do not understand the reason, the why and wherefore of our condition, our suffering. The why we are feeling and experiencing what we are. Culturally, it appears that instead of seeking to discover, to understand the nature of our suffering, our unhappiness and the feelings and behavior engendered, we tend to quickly label the emotional suffering as something bad, wrong, problematic and so forth” - as disease, as something to be cured, treated, medicalized. In effect, to be gotten rid of as quickly as possible.

Understanding is obviously a power – knowledge is power. A power Sigmund Freud “discovered” and used to some success, and which continues to be employed by numerous psychotherapists to this day in so called insight therapies. A fact, naturally known to the world, although not normally discussed, known or understood in the manner treated here. Its role in suffering, however, cannot be underplayed, although, it is just one small aspect of the incredible totality, meaningfulness and powerfulness of the nature of understanding, of knowing, of knowledge.

Even more bewildering about this thing called understanding, is the realization that understanding itself, its reality and meaningfulness to and in life deepens and undergoes transformation, broadening and increasing one’s total conception of life - of the self, God and the universe.

This leads one to wonder whether understanding (knowing/knowledge) is an archetype, a being in its on right, perhaps an angel, and that there may well be an exemplar or model of true, authentic Understanding with a capital U? That this word, this concept that we bandy about so frivolously at times is really a living thing – something that has a life of its own. For this thing called understanding evolves, changes and transforms - develops like a living being would.

In mystical terms, one speaks of understanding, and all forms of knowledge as intelligence – as light. So…understanding, knowing itself grows in us not only in a horizontal dimension – more and more knowledge so to speak about different subjects – so called facts - but also deepening in a transcendental dimension as well. Understanding becoming more wholistic and meaningful not only about a single subject let us say, but the very foundation of understanding of knowing itself continues to become transformed in a transcendental manner as well that is beyond the accumulation of more facts.

While difficult to put in words what I am trying to convey, a Sufi sage puts it this way -
“In the transcendental dimension of consciousness, one is seeing the cause behind the cause and the purpose behind the purpose. It is reaching beyond the world of causes until you reach a place where there is just the meaningfulness behind the whole universe, without any consciousness of the universe. It’s like that state which is mentioned in the sequel of Life after Life, where the people returning from a clinical death get to such a state of omniscience that there are no facts to understand: there’s just an understanding of understanding. This very high degree of realization is what is called samadhi.” (Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, Retreat Manual of the Sufi Order, P I-31)

Your comments are welcome at jamilgram@educationforbeing.

A PSYCHO SPIRITUAL APPROACH TO HEALING DEPRESSION
AUGUST, 2008

Depression, a most prevalent and complex dysfunction of our age, has for the most part become the province of the medical authority and the pharmaceutical companies. I do not mean to disparage the medicalization of this condition nor its basic form of treatment – drugs – for they can be of considerable help in alleviating the symptoms of depression. However, our culture’s desire for a quick fix while understandable fails to help many, and its use as the primary choice of treatment is questionable. The side effects, too, of such pharmaceuticals can be quite unpleasant. Lastly, there are many who have a distaste for this approach, who desire a more natural way of coping, and seek to empower themselves through understanding and use of their own inherent abilities to heal. Most physicians, who treat depression do recognize that there is at least a psychological component to this condition, and recommend counseling as a complimentary treatment. This essay – a psychospiritual approach - speaks to those individuals mentioned above and includes both a psychological and spiritual component, the latter aspect which for the most part is largely neglected by our treatment specialists.

Also, I will not argue nor discuss in this article the cause(s) of depression, nor the Physicians and Pyschiatrists chemical imbalance theory.* Nonetheless, my understanding is that this condition is largely existential in nature. One in which fear plays a major role along with its unbelievable, incredible permutations and generalizations that the individual and his/her defensive ego system creates to cope with it. Its effects are felt on all levels of one’s being - physical, psychological and spiritual - and on our world giving reign to insidious individual suffering, societal disruption and all kinds of mayhem.

There are three overriding important aspects to dealing psychospiritually with depression. The first two are one’s awareness of self – one’s feelings, thoughts, behavior and spirit – one’s condition, and mastery or control over these same elements. The third aspect will be dealt with later in this essay.

Awareness is obviously crucial for it is the first step leading to understanding, to insight into ourselves and our problems, and to our general understanding of others, situations and the world at large. Focusing on depression, one needs to principally become aware of two things. First, awareness of the fear that is within one, and how that fear is affecting and directing one’s life. Secondly, to become aware of one’s thought processes – what messages the mind is endlessly putting out re: one’s being, others and the world.

For exposing and feeling one’s fear one needs to become quiet and still, and away from distractions allowing the buried feelings to rise the surface – to feel the fear. Usually, we keep ourselves busy and distracted – always thinking and doing something so as to deny what is occurring within one. Feeling the fear can be most frightening, but it is only fearful feelings, and they will not really harm one. The secret is to disallow attaching objects to the feelings – the mind wishes to have a reason for one’s fear, but this only exacerbates and prolongs the fear giving an excuse for its existence. What you wish to do is just feel the naked fear devoid of objects, persons, situations – reasons for the fear - no matter how rational they appear. Fear needs an object for its existence, for its continuance. You want to expose the fear in its nakedness. Eventually, given time, if you can just feel the fear – not let the mind do its associations of fearful objects, etc. - it will lessen to such an extent that it will no longer have deleterious effects on your thinking and behavior. This takes perseverance and courage.

As your awareness of your mentations continues you can begin to practice other forms of mastery. By this I mean to say that as you become aware of your thinking processes, you need to stop the mind, control the mind from thinking any negative, self-disparaging, self-limiting, self-condemning thoughts of any kind including those towards others and life in general through your power of will. You need to catch the mind doing this, and stop it. First off, all this negative mind stuff is false – just garbage that you picked up and were conditioned and exposed thru perhaps difficult early life experiences. Secondly, these negative thoughts only contribute to your feeling bad and depressed. Actually, you need to literally disbelieve these kind of thoughts. If you cannot stop these thoughts at first, replace them with positive affirmations – positive thoughts of love and goodness. In particular, you want to cease any attempts at self – pity, feeling sorry for yourself. That is most harmful as it affirms the negative, the powerlessness in one, and again it relates to a false sense of self.

Furthermore, you want to promote mastery on all levels through use of your will power. You know, shake yourself awake, do what you need to do to take care of your self – your health and well-being. Exercise – a potent antidote for depression - eat rightly, keep the body and your surroundings clean and orderly, get sufficient rest, stop debilitating habits, work, motivate yourself, practice responsibility. And when the first signs of depression begin to avail themselves, to strongly say “cut the malarkey”…stop it in is tracks, laugh out loud and get on with your life. Of course, nothing works all the time with depression, and it’s okay to slack off, but overall, you need to take yourself in hand. No one else can do it for you. Always try to maintain a positive, loving, life-enhancing, balanced life.

The third aspect of this approach, and perhaps most importantly is one’s spiritual life – one’s belief and faith in the God ideal. ** In that regard, most religions refer to God as Father/Mother, and humans as children of God the parent(s). Thus, as you are composed of the genetic material of your parents, so you are composed – made in the Image – of the substance, the attributes, the divine inheritance from your original Father/Mother God. And that divine inheritance is your birthright, and it is comprised of all the most wondrous attributes that you can imagine – of power, of wisdom, of beauty, of love and compassion, and so much more. All that you are seeking for, all that you desire is in yourself – in your divine nature. And that is why all the negative thoughts and feelings about oneself are erroneous – are false. Faith in God, faith in your own divinity enables one to face whatever difficulties that may lie ahead. A Sufi teacher has said “when you depend on God, God becomes more dependable”. Prayer and meditation will strengthen one’s belief, provide necessary guidance, and reveal your true nature. The more you work at developing your spirituality - the more you seek God, seek to understand and realize that ideal, the more you discover the grandeur that is contained within.

Lastly, create and maintain a positive, optimistic attitude towards self and others. The best way to do this is to walk the path of love. Love is the greatest healer, the most incredible power and the source of one’s joy and happiness for God is love. Keep your heart open – warm, vulnerable and loving. Practice gratitude, tolerance, sympathy, kindness compassion, patience, and all the golden virtues - droplets from the sea of love. There is however, pain in love, and so love is difficult for life will surely break your heart more than once. But in its breaking, if you continue to love your heart will heal and expand and grow. Thus loving makes one very strong, diminishes ones self-centeredness – one’s false ego, and develops goodness and kindness in one.

There is much more to be said. If there are any limitations to this psychospiritual perspective, it is one of time – it does not work like a pill. Successfully dealing with one’s depression will take time. Therefore, patience, endurance and perseverance are necessary, and developing these attributes will strengthen one and create the mastery one desires – not only of oneself, but of situations and of life in general. (Your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@EducationforBeing.com)

* If you would like to read more of my thinking re: fear, read my essay Fear of Not- Being which is on my website under Essays for June 2008. Also, there are three other essays on depression in my book Something to Think About: The Challenges and opportunities of Living and Aging which can be purchased from me.

** If you do not believe in God, believe in the human spirit, and still consider that within your natural being lies all the strength, beauty and love – all that you need to enable you to be happy, successful and righteous.

THE PHENOMENON OF LABELING
July 2008

I have problems with some labels and what social and personal messages they convey. We forget that labels are just constructs/concepts that are attempts to describe reality – but, they are not the reality. Like a map, it is not the real territory. Labels do not describe or add to the meaning of the reality. We believe we know and understand what the label refers to – but that is usually some consensual blabber that is false in the main and especially the specific. When we speak of the labels of things, we actually believe we understand one another. That’s two false assumptions.

Take for example the label Schizophrenia. We know exceedingly little about this condition though we’ve studied it for many years now. Also this condition is expressed so very differently in different people. No two people so labeled express it the same way. Yet, the public’s reaction to this label is fairly consistent and filled with negative assumptions. It tends to connote sickness, craziness, and dangerousness (truth is that people so labeled are no more violent than the regular population). And it presents a real concern amongst relatives, friends and colleagues of the one so labeled. In total the reaction is one of alienation. People with this condition must be the loneliest people around. Labeling thus produces many negative outcomes. Again with Schizophrenia, a person so labeled, will always remain a person with schizophrenia. Even in so called remission, thereby creating a permanent condition that one can never escape.

In fact, the label becomes the person’s entire identity and s/he is known by others as the label – which by the way is in the main a complete fallacy. The person, any person is so much more than any label one can ascribe to him/her. Accepting such a limiting, false notion of self impairs ones self-esteem. A more deleterious label than Schizophrenia (any mental illness actually) in our present cultural climate cannot be imagined. Carrying that label is in itself a terrible burden.

Similarly so deleterious is the label criminal. One cannot ever discard the label even after being “punished.” For then one is known as an X-con. So, once a person is so labeled, s/he is for all practical purposes is socially doomed. Unless of course, the person assumes another identity. Working in the criminal justice system, I was frequently asked how I could possibly work with such heinous and frightening people. However, I soon learned that these so called “criminals” – these horrible, dangerous people were really just human beings like you and me comprised of their own particular good and bad traits. I mean, how bad is a bad person? Are bad people all bad? Are they bad all the time? 10% of the time, 25%, 50%…? People believe what they see on TV and in the movies. Usually, the bad person so depicted has no redeeming qualities. He is in effect 100% bad (so, we can despise them). Being so defined, the hero(s), the good people can now do anything they want to them. Just take a good look at our degrading and dehumanizing correctional system. Major injustices are happening right now with the individuals labeled as “terrorists”. Since this label has been introduced with its accompanying demonizing and evil assumptions, it has become okay to use torture and abuse and deny justice to those so labeled.

As indicated previously, labels like Schizophrenia and Mental Illness imply pathology, sickness, wrongness, abnormality….more and more negative labels of connotation. It is taking dis-stress to the level of disease. In business or political circles a known visit to a psychologist or psychiatrist can ruin a person’s career. That’s why so many, men in particular, do not get help for feeling depressed for long periods. For if they do, they get the “depression label.” This label expresses to society a moral or psychological weakness of some kind although this condition is slowly undergoing greater acceptance and understanding.

Research shows that being so labeled, and the constant reinforcement by ones doctors, friends, colleagues, and society in general can deepen, make more permanent, and even facilitate the very condition one hopes to change. Words and thoughts are powerful.

Such labeling produces further damage. Designating these behavioral conditions as medical illnesses can reduce the amount of personal anguish, guilt and blame involved – “it’s a disease, something physical…you have nothing to do about it, and so on” - at the same time it also removes responsibility, and greatly empowers the medical authority. It makes the locus of control external, actually dis-enpowering one while providing the individual with a most burdensome label.

And once a person is labeled “sick”, has a “mental illness”, he must be treated and cured, and that is dictated primarily as well by the medical authority. As witness to that authority, one can only be reminded of the horrors perpetrated on those poor souls so labeled in the past and present. But that is another story as they say.

We need to broaden our narrow conceptions of such behavioral/emotional difficulties and concerns. And certainly stop believing the label is the person, and be most cautious in feeling that we understand and/or know what that label means for that particular person without deeper inquiry. Lastly, we need to stop viewing such individuals so labeled as if they were sick, diseased, abnormal, bad, wrong in some manner, and dangerous and thus need our intervention and treatment. (Your comments are welcome, at JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com

FEAR OF NOT BEING
“The World is a Near death Experience” (Eve Ensler)
June 2007

Worry, anxiety, fear, prolonged fear, living with fear is a most debilitating human condition. It makes life one of misery. It locks one into an alarmed state of being – biologically and emotionally, removing us from the more natural relaxed condition of being. Fear, the emotional aspect of a protective response to threats to ones existence and its accompanying fight/flight scenario becomes generalized and gets attached to all sorts of objects - mineral, vegetable and animal. After time, our feelings of fear become suppressed and attenuated into a prolonged state of anxiety and worry. We become unaware that we are frightened. Nonetheless, we remain always somewhat uncomfortable, ill at ease and “uptight.” Our fears control our behavior – our thinking and feeling - making us pessimistic, gloomy, unhappy, scared and apathetic. From these fears we develop neurosis (distorted means of coping) along with a greatly diminished sense of self. Eventually our fears and self doubts can completely undermine us psychologically and socially leading to all forms of serious behavioral, mental (depression) and physical dysfunctions.

Why am I speaking of this? I have wanted to write on fear for a long time. Many years ago, I had begun to be aware of how frightened I was of people and of life – just frightened in general. Previous to this awakening, I had not thought of myself as being fearful, and was able to lead a fairly successful life at least on the surface. But I was not happy and had periods of depression. Slowly, I began to experience all this fear within me, and what I thought I was afraid of. Much of it was that I would be discovered as a phony, not much of anything, being inadequate, inconsequential, and basically unacceptable. The fear covered a sense of self-loathing that I had not really been aware of.

A long time ensued where I began to release the fear from my heart and mind on the one hand, and countering the basis for the fear in a psychological, rational manner on the other. While this process helped, the fear persisted. There than came a time wherein I found that by separating the so called feared object from the fear itself, by concentrating only on the feeling of fear itself – not thinking and projecting a feared object, etc.– I found that the fear greatly diminished. Fear I found needs an object to sustain it. Experiencing the plain fear in oneself while uncomfortable, does not really harm one. While feeling much less frightened in my being, to my dismay the fear persisted although much ameliorated.

I then read a most fascinating book called The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker, a Pulitzer Prize winner, and began to understand that there is a primal, existential fear built into our very genetic code – the fear of non-being, of not existing, of dying. The other side of the coin so to speak of the incredibly strong, positive desire to live, to exist. Our automatic flight/fight response to any sensed impending doom is directly related to this. Our mortality, our bodily death is therefore the source and basis of all our fear. In fact, this death is so frightening – the feeling that one will cease to exist - that most of us repress and deny this reality to our conscious awareness. And while we may be somewhat aware of the fear inside us, we usually have an excuse for it. Or, we project the fear upon the world, and create a more frightening place, and then blame life for its existence. Of course, the world can be a most fearful place at times so one can show ample and logical reasons for one’s fears. Still, the source of our fears really resides within ourselves. This fear of not-being.

Fear is the monster, one’s real enemy that leads to all kinds of inharmony in oneself and in the world, and the most likely culprit of one’s dysfunctional behavior. Interestingly, our very fear(s) draws the feared objects or circumstances to us – we receive what we fear.

In my observations of other humans, I found an inordinate amount of fear abound in the land. Our cultural antidote for this primal fear that becomes internalized or displaced onto the world is medication – prozac, et. al. In our modern age, we have renamed fear as anxiety, and therefore just another medical condition needing “treatment.” Fear and its accompanying panoply of emotions/thoughts – anxiety, worry, phobias - are all deemed something to avoid and gotten rid of as soon as possible. There is little attempt to seek insight and understanding - to dive deep into life and face its frightening aspects - face our fears. No, we just desire to release ourselves of these terrible feelings, this unceasing anxiety and worry.

Our culture in its attempt to deny and suppress fear rather than understand and overcome it, presently puts forth two basic means of coping. Suppress and hide the fear which through time however, becomes doubt, worry, depression and self-hatred. Or repress and deny the fear entirely, replace it with anger, and project an external enemy to hate and perhaps understandably fear. Anger is a more accepted feeling mode especially for men in our culture who cannot admit to fear, for fear of social ostracism and being perceived as weak and therefore less masculine. Interestingly, while men tend to not admit to depression, thereby receiving less treatment and commit more suicide; more woman admit to and get treated for depression, and utilize suicide less as an antidote for their troubles. Both of these limited, cultural options indicated above, however, play havoc in the world. Depression and suicide are major health concerns as is the high level of violence in all aspects of our lives. Confronting our fears and anxieties rather than suppressing, denying and/or displacing them would reduce the magnitude of disease and family and social disruption by an amazing magnitude.

What is one to do re: this existential fear based paradigm and its wide ranging generalizations that in life poses such a problem for the individual and society in general? The key to dealing with all fear is increased awareness and understanding, increased insight and knowledge in re: to fear, its causes and consequences by facing and experiencing the fears themselves. Without unreasonable fear that drives us unwittingly through life, love and joy naturally arise in one’s heart. Of course, we must also face the bodies mortality - our dying so to speak – the loss of this physical body and all our material relations and possessions. We need dive deep into our fear of death, into death itself, and use it to motivate ourselves to continue to seek and find the truth. For mystics, the end of fear is the experience and discovery that there is life beyond this material manifestation – this physical body As Franklin Delano Roosevelt said at the outbreak of WWII when the country appeared paralyzed by fear “there is nothing to fear accept fear itself.” (Your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

THE STATE OF BEING
May 2008

The media is presently bombarding us with its most recent revelation of pop psycho-spirituality. The message is simple. Our lives are up to us….in our hands so to speak. All we need do is make the right choices. You know, think, speak and act the “right way” – that kind of right choices. Touted as a simple recipe for “having it all.” Think the right/good thoughts, feel the right/good feelings, act the right/good way and even dream the right/good way. In effect control (master) oneself to reflect how one wishes to be, and what you want in life, and it will be attained. Okay...but, not such an easy task this mastery thing of “right choosing.”

None-the-less, that’s the culture’s and the media’s schema of being god-like. You know, happy, successful, spiritual, prosperous, yes, especially prosperous. This schema of having the good life and achieving individual growth and realization while having some merit and value is bereft with limitations. One really needs go further and deeper in ones understanding and realization.

True being or self-realization is beyond one’s limited, individual knowledge and capacity to choose correctly. For how does one really know if one’s choice is the right choice. Beyond some kind of moralistic paradigm, i.e. doing what one is told by some religion, a higher authority, sacred book or teacher, how can one really be sure? Our individual choices can only take us so far…

There is, however, a state of waking consciousness that uproots these limitations of individual choice. It is a state of consciousness that I call Being. True Being supersedes this dilemma of choice and its accompanying limitations bringing one to a state of choiceless awareness which directs and guides activity. One exists within life, not really apart from life, and acts in accord to the entire dimension of that life, and not as a separate individual as we normally think. Of course, our thoughts, our speech and our actions effect all of life and we in turn are effected by all of life. Choiceless awareness is encompassed by a consideration of this whole and is therefore related more to an aspect of a collective reality and the responses necessary to that.

In this state of consciousness, there is no question of ultimate right or wrong, good or bad. There is harmony. In fact there is no rational thinking or reasoning, no judging and evaluating. Things just are. In true Being, one resides in the isness, the moment, the eternal now, in harmony with the reality. This reality demands the action that is needed. In effect, the situation that one finds oneself in – the situation which is being created and choreographed – asks us to join it - to play one’s role so to speak, and to act appropriately to fulfill this drama we call life. All one needs do is say “yes”, to submit to the requirements of the situation, and act accordingly along with the other players. This is true in both action and reaction.

This state of consciousness has been called being in the flow, being in the now, being in harmony, and so on, and has been experienced by many, in particular athletes where the term “peak experience” has been derived as well as from those who meditate and others. This choiceless awareness is a state characterized by a loss of individuality and a merging into the entirety or just losing oneself in the moment. Not thinking…not making choices…just being.

The crux of this dynamic is the illusion that we are separate beings. We are separate entities for sure, formations if you will, but not really individuals as we allude. Like the individual cells of the body we, too, are part of one life. That is what maya represents, this grand delusion of individuality – the relative aspect of this material manifestation. There is only one life – inseparable, indivisible. We are all part of that one life, one reality – each of us entities playing our respective roles in the one play, this one symphony we call life. We, all together, including organic and inorganic life comprise this one. Therefore all behavior, our behavior is not individual, it is really collective.

In this state of choiceless awareness one is in tune with one’s real sense of self - one’s natural self so to speak. This occurs when we break through the mental barriers, the veils created by one’s thought as well as the attention and concern on the individual self – the false ego. In that moment, one partakes of the true self – the One Self. In this state of consciousness resides the fulfillment of human development – call it liberation, self-actualization, enlightenment. * (Your comments are welcome : JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

* Expansion, development, growth never ends in the human form. It is infinite. There is no limit to the depth and heights of wisdom, love, truth, being…

THE FALSE SELF OR ONE’S CONCEPTION OF WHO ONE IS
April 2008

I have long read and thought about the teaching that we are comprised of a true (real) and a false self. Although conceived and described in different ways by various religious and spiritual groups, this appears in some form in all. It is especially known to those spiritual seekers known as mystics – those individual seekers of Truth and the essence of Reality.

As a believer of this ancient and modern wisdom, it is apparent to me that this false self, this false ego needs to be experienced – literally felt/sensed, understood, and eventually modulated. For though it is an apparent real aspect of one’s being, actually it is a false, limited conception of self, and thus one’s real enemy. The enemy that is so sly that it blocks our very consciousness from knowing of its existence, and deceives us from discovering it, and our true selves.

Mystics, therefore, no matter what their particular path, state emphatically that self knowledge, or “self realization” as it is stated is the goal of all sentient beings – and really what the spiritual quest is all about. The answer to the question "who are we"? For it is in knowing one-self, one’s true self that one can know Truth, Love, the Ground of Being, Nirvana, Buddhahood, Enlightenment, Illumination,…God. It starts by this discriminating, this differentiating what is true from what is false – one’s false self from one’s real self.

This is the first war one must wage, the true jihad – the battle with one’s false self – the conditioned, limited, material self – usually the self that puts itself as primary – the selfish, petty, concerned only with “me” and “mine” self. The self that steers you wrongly, that makes you play dumb, that allows you to act inharmoniously, that brings doubt, fear, worry, and confusion. The little self that lies to one, deceives one into believing it is the real self who is talking and acting.

So, I have been fighting the good fight, trying on the one hand to recognize and control/modulate this false self, and on the other to discover and actualize my true self – my real being. In a nutshell, that’s what many of us are doing, besides the constant concern with “earning a living.” At first, it seems like the 100 years war, a never ending struggle with some moments of relief before the next encounter.

One must know one’s enemy so as to be able to struggle and fight better. Experiencing the separation, the differentiation of one’s true self from the false is most illuminating. Until this occurs, one always feels as if one is constantly doing battle with oneself – one’s real self. It makes one feel masochistic and makes it difficult to be seemingly always controlling, denying, sacrificing, etc. one’s felt true self. This changes completely as one’s understanding grows and one becomes aware of the “reality” of separation and distinction, making the false and true self not just an intellectual construct. While perhaps useful at one time, the thinking, feeling and behavior that comprise the false self masks the true self from consciousness, and its eventual manifestation in oneself and in life.

One really needs to become empty…empty of all this limited and limiting (false) knowledge, belief, understanding and other stuff that has accumulated and comprise the dendritous of our false self. We need to dig deep to find the truth self.

And what is this true self, one’s real identity? Who are we? That is what one discovers in this search for truth, for authenticity, for reality…for God.

“But when a revolution comes in the life of a man, as soon as he begins to see deeply into life, to acquire goodness -- not only to get but to give -- as soon as he begins to enjoy not only the sympathy of others but giving sympathy to others, then comes a period when he begins to see this Satan-spirit as apart from his real original being, standing before him constantly in conflict with his natural force, freedom and inclination. ... The mystery of perfection lies in annihilation -- not in annihilation of the real self, but of the false self, of the false conception which man has cherished in his heart and always has allowed to torture his life. ...” (Hazrat Inayat Khan)

J. Adam Milgram (Your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

SOME THOUGHTS ON KINSHIP CONSCIOUNESS
March 2008

For the most part, we see ourselves only as distinct and separate individuals. We are the subject and all others, everything in fact, are equally individuated objects. Believing in this perception, we act as though our behavior has only limited effect upon life usually upon those directly involved with us. Conversely, the behavior of others, especially those distant and seemingly unrelated is thought to have only marginal or no effect upon us at all. The same is true of our thoughts and feelings which are perceived to end at the boundary of our skins, or the particular circumstance.

This presumed individuality while “true” also belies a more profound truth which is the underlying foundation of our true connectedness.

Obviously, most will agree even at the above stated level of consciousness of separateness that we interact as interdependent beings – beings that rely and depend upon the work, creativity, knowledge, skills and good will of many millions of others. For example, who grows their own food, makes their own clothes, builds their own roads, and so on.? Globalization has this understanding of interdependency inherent in it although as presently conceived it relates primarily to our economic/material interconnectedness. Truly, we need each other and effect each other not only in re: to our material and economic needs, but to the full gamut of our human needs - social, psychological and spiritual. Like the needs for security, respect, acceptance, validation, recognition, for love, for community and so on. Remember, “no man(woman) is an island.” In fact, our very well-being and happiness is predicated and inextricably tied to each other, known and unknown throughout the world. Does that make us sort of relatives, kin of one another?

Just how interdependent we are can be attested to the reality that we all basically breath the same air and drink the same water. For the water that evaporates from China and Russia’s rivers and lakes forming clouds will eventually bring that water to us as rain and snow. The same air we breathe together is being constantly circulated by the wind and jet streams throughout the world as well as the rotation of the planet. Of course, we all share the earth and its resources as well which by the way are becoming of short supply. Doesn’t that make us related, connected – kin to one another?

Usually, our view of kinship is limited to our actual blood relatives, colleagues and acquaintances as well perhaps – a very small circle of people compared to the actuality of so many more. Or, we see/feel our connections, our kinship to people of a particular interest group (bike club, sewing circle, poetry reading club, association, etc.), a certain religion or spiritual path, race or ethnic group, political party or nation. Although some political rhetoric speaks euphemistically of our “human family”, it is usually only lip service and does not generally impact our view of things, nor our behavior. Not that our hearts, and thus our behavior is not affected by others. We recognize the pain and suffering of others, and respond, but only so far. We severally limit our actual relatedness, our need for one another.

Relatedness…don’t we also all come from some sort of mythical Adam and Eve, the first beings, as most religions and primitive cultures construe human existence? So all can trace our lineage back to the same original parents, the first humans. Interestingly as well, the fossil record strongly indicates that all human life arose in a very specific place in Central Africa, and spread from there throughout the world. So, too, our genetic ancestry through analysis of our DNA states emphatically that we all derive from a common source in that African plain. Again making us all relatives…really, all related.

Can you imagine a world where we all are considered kin to each – as related to each other? What kind of world would that be if at heart we viewed each other including all the inhabitants of this planet as brothers and sisters – as family. How would we behave and feel towards each other if we realized how close we are to each other - how much we are related to each other, affected by each other, and how much we need each other?

Literally, us individuals cannot be truly separated from our environment – the weather, the location, the people, the culture, the life in which we are all intertwined. Its only a conceptual method, a mental game we use - this categorization – this cutting up of life into smaller and smaller sub-pieces that we create for simplicities sake, for study and understanding. And though we may cut up and reduce life and its beings/formations in a zillion parts, in fact there is really only one seamless whole.

On deeper reflection, think as well of the all the cells in your body. They are really distinct life forms who come together in a collaborative, collective effort to create organs, skin and bone. Yet, while we realize this, we do not see ourselves as comprised of millions of individual beings. Rather, we perceive ourselves as a unity, albeit a most complex one - a distinct, whole person, and we say “I am.” And though we sense ourselves as an individual formation, perhaps, too, like the cells in our body we are just parts of a greater whole. I wonder if all our millions of individual cells in their separateness perceive the greater unity of which they are a part?

This attraction, this affinity of our cells to come together and collaborate for a greater, more complex and elaborate unity, occurs throughout life, from molecules to organisms, to all of nature, to groups, nations and civilizations. This natural affinity, this attraction, this compelling coming together, this driving force of compassion, of love (to wax poetic) perhaps is nothing less than the parts realizing, recognizing they are just aspects of a greater whole. And wish to join that whole and live in that unity

Can you also imagine then that we all are not just kin, not just related but pieces, parts of one life – one mind, one heart, one reality. Each of us playing our specific, individual role…providing our behavior, thought and feeling that together with nature comprise this one undivided fabric of life. Every part, no matter how small vitally important to the functioning and well-being of all – to the whole. Each one of our individual lives, our needs and desires, achievements, foibles and happiness inextricably bound to the needs and desires of others - dependent upon one another. Imagine a world where its inhabitants spoke, thought and acted as if this were the reality beyond our felt sense of individual separateness? I call that Kinship Consciousness. (Your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

OUR GREAT MALADY
February, 2008

Our greatest malady is the denial of our shadow. The denial of our character defects. The denial of the “bad” and inharmonious that is within each of us. If you look there is no end to our faults, and the more you look, the more you find. These faults/limitations/defects comprise an important part of our humanity. In some respects it is what makes us human – otherwise we might be angels - and brings spice to our lives.

I have interpreted the catholic sense of everyone is born a sinner, to everyone is born limited and imperfect, and we seem to develop greater imperfections as we grow. These limitations, these character faults, these “bad ways”, this shadow aspect of ourselves resides in each of us.

Through our development, it becomes incorporated into our ego, and consists specifically of our self-centered, selfish aspects of ourselves. The aspect that cries “me and mine” - that my needs, my desires and impulses, wants and aspirations are primary and come first. The “me” that says I am separate from you, and need compete with you to get my way, and my particular slant on everything.

In our culture as in most of humanity, we tend to deny our shadows and our selfish and cruel ways, as they are very ugly. Facing them, seeing them and admitting their existence in ourselves is most difficult, and can be frightening and humiliating, but liberating as well.

In order to protect this shadow, our ego’s eminence, and our grand sense of self, we need to deny the shadow within. It is too contradictory and troublesome. This denial, however, is creative of a great deal of pain and suffering in the world. In our denial, the defensive mechanisms of the ego project the shadow onto the world – onto other people, groups, organizations, countries and so on. In doing so, the “other” is created – an “other” separate and external to ourselves. And it is this “other” who becomes the owner of all our violent, cruel, bad, ugly, inhuman ways.

We project all our denied shadow aspects on this “other.” By this defensive projection, we absolve ourselves of blame and guilt – the acts of our shadow - provide an outlet for our bottled up energy, and create a glorified motive for our shadow behavior. We can then give rational reason to express our shadow for we are only fighting and countering those bad, evil others. We thus make our shadow ways appear positive and good – our violence and cruelty is cloaked under the banner of righteousness and goodness.

But what this truly accomplishes is to make a mockery out of life, and a lie of one’s own life. It creates “the other”, “them” – the evil one’s. We scapegoat that country, that race, religion, ethnic group, and so on. They are the bad, violent, cruel, unjust ones.

Our defensive behavior – our projections - create unnecessary conflict, destruction, and all types of mayhem and suffering to one’s fellow beings and the planet as well. By making the “other” inhuman – not human, we can do what we will with them. No matter how heinous. And be lauded for it! Making our shadow in effect, victorious.

Our greatest enemy is ourselves – the shadow within us. The real fight is with this shadow. It has been wisely said that if we wish to end violence, injustice, and evil in the world, we first must end it in ourselves.

It takes courage to face our shadow. To claim it for oneself. To experience and become aware of it. To face it. To think about it, and develop increasing understanding of it, and all its aspects in oneself. To learn how to cut away some of its thorns, and to modulate and control those aspects deemed inharmonious. *

Our shadow self while creator of all difficulties is also the key to our understanding and eventual harmonious and peaceful well-being. For in facing, fighting and conquering the shadow self – truly our false self - we discover our real nature, and our natural, harmonious, and caring way of being. The more we expose our shadow natures to the light of intelligence, to the light of understanding, the more our true nature is revealed and made manifest to us, and to the world. The more we dig in the mud of our shadow ego, and one must dig deep, the greater the waters of life begin to flow pure. In that purity, our divine nature becomes actualized in us including all its incredibly glorious attributes. And we discover the epitome of love, harmony and beauty. (Your comments are welcome)

* “The ego is like the rose and also like the thorns which surround the rose. It takes the place of the thorns when it is not cultivated, and it becomes the rose when it is refined.” (Inayat Khan)

GLORY BE TO OVERFELT PARK
January 2008

It was one beautiful day – the sky, clear and blue, the ducks here and there, such a diversity of mature lovely trees and gardens – all, combining their separate beauty and fully enlivening the moment.

We stopped at a shrine dedicated to Confucius to eat our lunch. Nice place. Stone steps, a pond, secluded and surrounded by trees, bushes and flowers – sitting on the steps and eating in the Garden of Eden. If this isn’t heaven, it does not exist.

Amidst this quiet wonder my wife says “There is a bluebird near your shoulder.” Astounded, for most birds don’t usually get this close to people, I turned seeing a Blue Jay on a tree branch above me. I smiled as I looked at the bird, thinking of how special this moment was, and thinking also of that old song as well…”Zipity Do Da which begins “there’s a blue bird on your shoulder” – a most happy song. And it was perfect for this happy day.

Quickly, the bird hopped down from the tree branch closer to a bush right over my shoulder all the while looking at us most intently We continued to eat our lunch watching the Jay as it moved even closer to a rock about three feet in front of us. She appeared to be concentrating on us, her head tilting to one side at times as if to say “well, what’s up?” - seeming to ask for some kind of response.

We realized that this Jay, presumably a long time resident of the park, must have developed relationships with the park visitors over time, and through this process had lost her fear of people, as well as learned how to beg for food. Well, I’ll be!

With this in mind, we began to share our lunch with the Jay who most adroitly picked up the crumbs provided and flew away presumably to her nest perhaps to feed her young, only to return and repeat this process several times till satiated she flew away for good.

During the actual feeding, the Jay, a very friendly fellow almost ate from our hand. How fortunate to have interacted with and befriended such a beautiful being.

* San Jose, California

THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH
November 2007

If one could develop a pill or potion that could insure people continuous youth and vitality - their brains and bodies - one would be an instant billionaire.

From my understanding, however, each one of us already has this in their possession. Yes, the body and all ones materiality is in a state of constant change leading eventually to death, to dust and the elements that it comprises.

But what in this change process has died, and who are we really? Who do we identify ourselves to be? The answer to these questions prepares us for the path that leads to eternal youth and to eternal life.

Since every person sooner or later realizes that their body and entire material existence will end as they have known it, it is most necessary to identify with something less subject to change and decay…something more permanent. For example, our soul.

Now there are many and varied definitions of soul (and some do not believe in such an entity at all), some quite contrary to the other. But for many of us, soul represents the essence of our true being, our real nature containing all attributes and capacities. These aspects of soul are inexplicably grand and beyond our limited comprehension. Again, for many of us, these attributes, these capacities belie illness and death. In fact, the soul has neither birth nor death thus it never grows old, nor diminishes in capacity, intelligence, power and ability. Truly, it is the essence of power, wisdom, creativity, peace and love. And that is our true nature – our spiritual nature as opposed to our material nature.

In effect, it is our own “fountain of youth.” A powerful source that we can utilize to energize, invigorate and renew our physical body and mind. Soul is energy, intelligence and life itself. *

Therefore, the more we can identify with our soul – the more we can realize our true being and its reality of abundant, awesome, attributes, the more life we possess here on earth – bodily, mentally and spiritually. We become who we identify ourselves with and realize ourselves to be. The soul being impressed by the sense that it is the body, believes it, too, is deteriorating and becoming more limited, needs release from these misconceptions. True freedom – freedom from all limitations including that of our bodies - lies in the freedom of the soul, our recognition of its existence and our discovery of its nature.

Furthermore, our soul is truly our real, natural being, our authentic self – the physical body and personae a cover, albeit an incredibly wonderful cover. Knowing how miraculous the body and brain truly are, just think how much more awe inspiring are the attributes of one’s soul. Seek your soul and find yourself.

* Speaking of the soul: “It knows nothing but joy, and sees nothing but beauty. Its own nature is peace and its being is life itself. It is not intelligent; it is intelligence itself. It is spirit; its nature is not human, but divine. (An Eastern Rose Garden, Hazrat Inayat Khan, International Headquarters Sufi Movement, Geneva, Revised edition, 1979, P. 169)

THE POWER OF ONE
October 2007

I have long wanted to write on this subject, especially since the horrendous devastation to the trade towers and its inhabitants.

This attack was perpetrated by just a few people. The anthrax attack which followed was accomplished most likely by one person. So, too, the suicide bombings in Israel, so destructive in their results are accomplished by a lone individual naturally guided by others.

Of course, we can think of other scenarios where a small group of people or even one such person can for example, poison a city’s water supply, place a bomb in a nuclear plant, perhaps smuggle an atomic weapon in a suitcase and destroy New York or Washington, or a more likely situation, hack into our financial, military, and energy control computers and wreck havoc amongst perhaps millions. One person or a small group can do all of the above. What am I speaking of here?

The evolution of the human race accompanied by advances in technology, communication and basic knowledge has finally led to placing incalculable power in the hands of the individual – in the hands of the single person, or a small group of people. In effect, we have become in actuality, god-like in our ability to create and/or destroy although it is apparent that destruction is much more easily accomplished. In Hinduism there is a saying “What Brahmin can build in a lifetime, Shiva can destroy in a moment.” So now we can all be possible Shiva’s riding forth with chariots blazing to destroy. And there appears to be many such people. And this is very frightening.

We can create life in a test tube, actually manipulate the genetic blueprint of life, level mountains and forests, build cities, poison the earth with our pollution and excessive use and so much more. We can also so easily pull a trigger and terminate a life and forever alter the lives of oh so many others - the effect so widespread and devastating.

The threat to our civilization today is not some “rogue state” acting out against others, it is the radical few, the misguided group, the victimized group, the insane individual, the fanatic (s), the fundamentalist true believer who can now do so much damage to our fragile civilization.

Now this is scary stuff if you begin to think about this and realize the indescribable power that is now vested in one person or a small group of people. Our scientific and technological evolution has brought us to this place. The question is can the evolution of our consciences keep us safe? Only time will tell.

President Bush talks about “a war on terrorism.” But he is fighting this war on only one front and I believe he is literally ”barking up the wrong tree.” Although it certainly is a great “sound bite” with a very sellable, PR ring to it. The war that needs to be waged is not just the war to bring to justice those who have committed such great atrocities. Accomplishing that will not win the real war that needs to be fought. No, if our dear president wishes to fight a war, it should be fought for the minds, hearts and souls of people and that cannot be accomplished with guns and bombs or all our unsurpassed technology. While force and violence has its uses, the results as can be seen are far from conclusive and often are short term solutions either leaving the same problems before us or often making matters worse.

If we wish to fight a war, it should be a war against poverty, against tyranny and injustice - a war against ignorance and intolerance, against hatred and violence - a war against the lack of opportunity to work and provide for one’s needs and for education, growth and development. A war in effect that will alleviate and challenge the unbearable frustration, anger and hopelessness that produces the hatred and misguided thinking that results in such horrendous acting out. For surely, we are not just dealing with some simplistic evil, although we would so like to cast this problem in that simple vein – us the good guys against those terrible bad guys as in some C grade Hollywood cowboy.

Truth is there is presently too much power inherent in the individual to leave anyone out of the possibilities of a decent life, of the possibilities of having sufficient food, clothing and shelter and a chance for betterment. No one can or should be left behind. That is the task before us. If we do not address the terrible disparities in our world between the have’s and have nots, our civilization is doomed.

There is a great cry coming out of the middle east although it is not just not felt there. It comes as a warning. Wake up America! Wake up world! The U.S. and other developed, rich countries cannot live in splendid isolation anymore. The internet, the media – our vast global communications has made this seemingly vast world a small village. There is no more place to hide. (Your comments are welcome)

* Written in 2002

AGING IS A MYTH
September 2007

Our cultural perceptions and understandings of aging represent pretty much a concocted myth. What you have heard and been taught about aging is basically false. Even the most recent positive ageing movement and their proponents fall short of dealing with its reality. Aging is a myth that we create for ourselves, with the help of course of culture/society, and our friends, teachers, and so on. In truth, we are not aging, we are just CHANGING! We call this change aging, and through the many centuries we have developed a whole bunch of mostly negative ideas, proscriptions, beliefs, attitudes, and especially advice regarding what it is and how to cope with it.( Cope can also represent a most negative and limiting attitude.)

The first step in liberating us from these mostly negative impressions of aging is to dump (let go/un-learn) all this accumulated garbage - all the baggage that one believes and has incorporated into ones understanding of life. You are what you believe, and what you believe you become. Thus, we create ourselves and our world, and how we change and age. Since in reality aging is just changing, it can be what you may wish it to be. How you think, speak and act re: this constant change process creates the feelings, beliefs and attitudes one conveys and projects onto the world, creating ones world for oneself.

I’m 69 years chronologically into my changing process. But what does that really mean? Is there some way I should be?…should think?... should behave, look, act, dress consume – you name it? I wish to categorically state that there is no prescription, no one correct way on how we change and no right/correct way to think, feel and act whatever ones “chronological age.” That’s up to each one of us.

Naturally, some of these changes relate to a kind of a physical deterioration, a slowing down of sorts, sometimes… sometimes accompanied by physical and psychological challenges to the way we previously saw ourselves (our ego body-identity) and might have previously lived,….but it is just change….and not necessarily negative.

This change stuff is not new. We are continuously dying and being reborn for that’s what change always entails. We die physically – the cells in our body are dying and others being created all the time; Socially – all relationships - friends, relatives, jobs, organizations all eventually end; Psychologically – beliefs, attitudes, our understanding, our status, and our sense of self and who we are continuously changes through time.

Everything in life…every change, every age brings both good and bad – that is the nature of this material plane. And pain is the price for having a body – at whatever age.

However, for those who continue to live, to really live, life becomes more fascinating, more awesome, more interesting, more wondrous and more mysterious at whatever age. And one can become peaceful, wise, blissful and fuller of heart through this process of change.

So, get with it. There are no rules about this changing/aging thing. It’s no biggy…just part of the journey. And the journey, ones experiences are truly what is meaningful, and why we are here. We need be grateful for this ever changing material world that provides us with such a staggering variety of these experiences.

This can be for all a most incredible, happy, blissful journey - of experiencing, of loving, of learning, of realizing the beauty and intelligence of life… of being. Don’t waste your time on playing at someone else’s conditioned, negative, frightening, limiting thoughts and ideas about this life process at any stage – chronological, et. al. Be who you are meant to be. Revel in that.

THE NAFS HAVE GOT ME!
July 2007

Friend, please tell me what I can do about this world
I hold to, and keep spinning out!
I gave up sewn clothes, and wore a robe,
But I noticed one day the cloth was well woven.
So I bought some burlap, but I still
throw it elegantly over my left shoulder.
I pulled back my sexual longings,
And now I discover that I am angry a lot.
I gave up rage, and now I notice
that I am greedy all day.
I worked hard at dissolving the greed,
and now I am proud of myself.
When the mind wants to break its link with the world
it still holds on to one thing.
Kabir says: Listen my friend,
there are very few that find the path. (Kabir)

The Nafs* is an Arabic term that describes what is known on the spiritual and/or mystical path what comprises the “false self.” It can also be described as one’s limited ego with accompanying neurosis, one’s character defects par excelance, one’s personality with its accompanying attitudes, beliefs and behaviors both good and bad, one’s shadow, or lastly by some, the “devil,” for it seems to constantly tempt one – to tempt one to do what is wrong, unnatural, ugly or inharmonious

This false self is a limited and therefore distorted aspect of one’s true self. These limitations, these falsities include such destructive human foibles as greed, envy, jealousy, hatred, bigotry, arrogance, lust and all forms of self- possession.

The True Self, or as it is otherwise known - one’s natural being; one’s Ego; ones soul; ones actualized self; one’s divine nature, and so on. I like to envision it as ones immortal, unlimited, all wise and loving soul, invigorated by spirit - a ray of the original sun which contains in microcosm the macrocosm, a hologram of the divine attributes, God. Furthermore, one’s behavior whether be it of thought, speech or action whose intention is loving, beautiful and harmonious can be understood as an aspect of True Self.

(Since one cannot deny the reality and rightness of all human expression given the particular circumstances – time, culture, personality and state of evolution, and such – rather one must choose to acknowledge the intention, and judge from that perspective whether it be ones true or false self. Also, I have faith that goodness lies in the heart of all, and that goodness is our natural state of being.)

This false self is ones true enemy, the real enemy within that one must battle, one need struggle with and master. It is the source of all one’s unhappiness and discontent. For most, the tendency is to project ones enemy (the cause of ones problems, dilemmas, conflicts, unhappiness, etc) as external to oneself – on to others or situations, creating conflict and destruction. And, forever fighting in vain – for one is struggling in the wrong direction.

This internal battle or struggle is most difficult, for one’s false self is very tricky, most subtle and clever. It disguises itself, and acts as if it were an aspect of one’s true being, and thus in harnessing it (controlling it in some manner), one feels that one is battling one’s true self. It leads one to think one is damaging, hurting and not being nice to oneself. Most deceptive!

Lately, I have begun to perceive this false self as being so very different from my true nature, that it feels as if it were a separate and distinct personality/self – an entity, perhaps an alien being. This separation so to speak makes distinguishing one from the other easier. Another means of differentiating between false and real appears to be a matter of the particular state of consciousness one is experiencing, and how one is presently viewing/perceiving the world and its inhabitants. The consciousness of the real is inclusive, expansive, contains all possibility, is compassionate and perceives unity. Whereas, the false self is narrow, constricted, limited, ignorantly selfish and concerned mainly with material life. The view of the eagle versus the view of the worm.

Another example to distinguish the real from the false – the limited from the unlimited - is that all that says “I want, I need, I have, I desire, I own…” - in effect any phrase that is conditional and that follows “I am…”, whatever it may be, is part of the world of limitation and illusion – the world of the false self (not a complete exposition of the true reality).

Just fill in the blank …and that’s the false self speaking – I am… a doctor, lawyer, boss, husband, father, mother, businessman, spiritual aspirant, etc… I am angry, sad, jealous, cold, loving, whatever. The unlimited Self, ones true self raises above right and wrong, good and bad, self and others - all labels and all conditions. By identifying that one is this or that, one denies reality and limits one. The true self is unlimited and therefore just “is”. “I am” is sufficient for the true self. All else limits and denies. All else is therefore an illusion of sorts – not the complete picture.

As stated previously, the determination and the being of ones true from ones false self is a matter of ones state of consciousness. In ones ordinary state, one resides in ego land - the land of the nafs and desires, the land of materialism, the land of fact, limitation and illusion. In one’s true state, one lives is in the land of unlimited possibility, of unity, peace and divine light and love.

Now, it has been said give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and give unto God what is God’s, so one must recognize the illusionary aspect of life, and give obeisance to it while maintaining the truth of ones being. Mystics call this feet on the ground, head in the heavens. Playing one’s role in the illusion of material life while conscious of one’s divine soul and being. Not necessarily an easy dance to learn and practice in this mind driven world. (Your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

nafs - Arabic nafs: (plural nufūs) the individual, the petty self, personal identity, ego; mind; human being; soul, breath (of life). (used in compound terms such as nafs-kushi, which means ego-killing) (hw1155, jtp1144) From the Glossary for the Spiritual Message of Hazrat Inayat Khan – The URL is http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/mv_glossary.htm

THE BROKEN HEART OF HUMANITY
June 2007

It certainly seems that life and the living of this life, its various challenges and demands both internal and external results in all a “broken heart”. Whether it be a specific trauma such as an illness or serious injury, displacement and/or abandonment of some kind, being neglected or abused as a child, experiencing disillusionment, being rejected in love or a love affair gone sour, a death of a loved one, feeling you have failed in some manner, overwhelming stress of some kind, the very experience of life itself….whatever the cause, and they are infinitesimal, the result is pain – the pain of a broken heart. It happens to all, and more than once – sometimes slowly or in a moment. None are excluded.

Since this condition of life affects all, it can be considered normal, perhaps even purposeful, certainly one aspect of this varied, complex life we live. But what can be the purpose or reason for such wounding….?

These experiences that result in a broken heart (produce “holes in our hearts”), create an opportunity for greater Truth and Love to develop in us. Whatever the trauma, it shocks us so….that we are strongly awakened to the realization of the depth of the heart – first, by the depth of pain the heart can feel - the hurt, grief, demoralization, and feelings of loss we can experience – sometimes feeling blinded, devastated, obliterated, weak and helpless, and oh so vulnerable … oh so alive.

These kind of experiences release the heart from its boundaries, breaks down the protective walls and fences – the limitations, and allows the stream of love to flow freely opening us to greater sensitivity, and realization – in fact a greatly enlarged sense of what it means to be a human being, and the person you thought you were. The heart must break for it to expand, and for love to flow. These woundings enable us to love more deeply, more fully, more inclusively, and thus understand, feel and perceive more as well. They can create in us, with our willingness, a more alive, powerful, wise and loving being. These traumatic, seemingly negative, at times horrific experiences are the very pieces of coal that through our suffering we help turn into gold.

Spiritually speaking, one can see this as God, or the universe/ life tuning us, melting us, teaching us, transforming us, evolving us into an instrument – a more refined, life giving, loving instrument - an instrument that enables us to play a more perfect note in this symphony of life. These holes in our hearts, and for some you may wish to perceive this as holes in the psyche as well, direct us to be more cognizant of the spiritual, mystical and metaphorical aspect that the human heart portrays. It is not only the place where love abides, it is also the abode where divinity resides.

What do we do with our broken hearts? Naturally, the first step is to be aware of this – to experience this in ourselves. Too often, we hide from our broken hearts and the pain associated with it. Not wanting to experience this pain – to feel the pain, we develop all kinds of protective measures. The end result is we remain painfully broken hearted, but do not experience its blessings. We deny hearts expansion, we feel less, and we continue to shield and cover our hearts. It is Freud’s old pleasure principle in action – avoid pain and move towards pleasure. But in avoiding the pain from a broken heart, we become less – less of an authentic human being.

The panacea is paradoxical. Feeling the pain from our broken hearts, becomes the remedy for it. Feel it deeply. Dive into its depths. Abide in your heart and allow the pain to perform its transformative magic. Allow it to open our hearts for love to do its magic.

“Why O my feeling heart
            Do you live and die?
What makes my feeling heart
            To laugh and to cry?
Death is my life indeed;
            I live when I die.
Pain is my pleasure; when
            I laugh, then I cry.”

Hazrat Inayat Khan, Gayan Vadan Nirtan, #1408

Your comments are welcome JAMilgram@EducationForBeing.com

THE BALANCE OF LIFE
May 2007

I was asking myself the other day whether we would provide as much money and influence to really take care of our citizens as we do to the development of individual and corporate wealth, power and the attainment of material possessions. My God, we have all these homeless, impoverished beings, our brothers and sisters walking around in too many streets of our cities. What does that say to us as a people, as a nation?

Since greed became good there has been a gluttony of it – a feeding frenzy, and the promotion of monetary success over compassion and caring. This has created mass corruption, dubious moral conduct and narcissism. It has also greatly influenced the present incredible disparity between the rich and all the rest of us – the middle class is quickly evaporating.

Power also has also held great sway…ideological and political power. The power to make one’s views dominant, and accepted by all – while making little room for others. Power corrupts even more than wealth. The result is the present minefield that we have before us – A trillion dollar illegal and immoral war soaked with the blood of innocent people, and creating “America the Ugly” throughout the world. A health care system in shambles – 40+ billion uninsured. Insufficient affordable housing. An environmental policy that previously was so short sighted and plain ignorant, that it rolled back gains previously made. Medicare, our guarantee of health benefits for our elders and disabled is going broke, and Social Security as well. A judicial system that has helped create a new industry – the Correctional Industry. The USA has more people in jail than any other country, and three strikes has become a travesty of injustice. While our politicians use the fear of criminality to demand harsher treatment of our wayward citizens – all for their political gain. And so on…

Do we rally care for our citizens? Is that an important thing to consider and do? Where are our priorities? We can afford this costly war and this huge military, but not universal health care. We can afford to hold millions of recalcitrant in prisons, while we cannot develop sufficient affordable housing. We can afford to give subsidies to oil corporations and huge industrial farmers, but not to solving the homeless problem in the country. With our vast wealth yet we somehow cannot afford to adequately fund Medicare and Social security. And of course, we cannot afford to stop polluting the earth.

911 and its aftermath continue to play a vital role in this imbalance, and to a great extent has exacerbated it. Since 911, it seems that the country has become enmeshed into a fear condition predicated by the implied lack of safety and security from immediate catastrophe. This condition has been created, and to a large extent promoted by our government’s ideology and propaganda and supported by most of the media and its pundits. This fear mongering has propelled our consciousness down to near the lowest rung of the ladder.

Maslow, a most influential transpersonal psychologist in the 1970’s, developed a theory of human development. His integrated psychospiritual theory hypothesized that human needs and human development are interrelated and hierarchically organized on a continuum from the lowest – safety/security needs thru ego needs (needs for achievement and power) to the higher order transcendent and spiritual ones of love and communion. He further postulated that humans are required to attend to and satisfy lower order needs first in order to develop and achieve the apex of human development, which he termed self-actualization. (This is similar to the mystic’s enlightenment, illumination, nirvana, self-realization.) He predicated that the “lower order needs” are in no sense less important – each has their meaningfulness for life. However, in order to grow one needs to face and accomplish all of the hierarchy of needs to be a fully functioning human being.

So where on this developmental hierarchy do you think many of us are functioning? I believe that those in government - their thinking, feeling and acting states are being determined and motivated to a large extent by power needs – ego needs, and using fear and immanent danger (safety/security concerns) as catalysts to promote their agenda. They have instilled fear in the public body on a continuous basis. Fear, a primal reflex function that quickly helps us deal with actual, present danger has become the everyday, normal state of mind. A mind saturated by fear is not to be trusted to make wise nor compassionate decisions.

While the imbalance indicated above has already been in progress for some time, this “War on Terror” business with its accompanying fear mongering, aggression, torturing, abrogation of human rights, a gargantuan increase in the import and power of the military, the accompanying feeding frenzy of the already huge military industrial complex, is creating a further erosion for basic human concerns and needs including the importance of positive human emotion and feeling (except anger) and respect for human rights. And the promotion and adoration of the spiritually/religion favoring the God of War or as Michael Lerner says, “The Right Hand of God, rather than the “Left Hand of God”, the God of Love.

Now, I am not going to propose any utopian reversal of this imbalance. In fact, I am confident that the pendulum is beginning to already swing back, and our citizenry is waking up, becoming more aware, and beginning to take action individually and collectively. The action that will increase just a little more love in all that we think, speak and do regarding our human family and the world in general. A little more caring, a little more respect, a little more tolerance and acceptance, a little more forgiveness, a little more understanding, a little more nurturance, a little less concern for me, me, me and more for others, a little less greed, a little more money and influence to redress this imbalance and care for our citizenry, and for the citizenry of the world…just a little more.

Let our hearts speak the bottom line to a greater extent. Let us be a society that raises our consciousness to giving greater consideration, money, time and energy to nurturing our human needs, including the psychological and spiritual ones, as well as the material and economic. In effect let us be a more evolved society. A society whose future President in ending his speeches would one day hopefully say instead of “May God bless America” - “May God Bless the World.” (Your comments are welcome)

IT’S ALL ABOUT LOVE
April 2007

Have been ruminating about suffering - all of it going on all over, especially in Iraq and Darfur, but all over. The pain and suffering being experienced in the world is overwhelming… and I felt terribly hurt and then anger at God *, and even doubt about the existence of such... and then, the realization came to me again, that it is all love....all of it! And I know saying so is almost blasphemous, most impossible and bewildering and perhaps horrible in some ways to even think that...it makes no rationale sense and yet…”It’s all about love.” And it is so paradoxical…Please bear with me on this.

Previous to this experience, I had become more aware of the incredible blessings that are given to us each day. Starting with this miraculous physical body that we so take for granted. A body that has been hammered and molded from the clay of the earth (a star really) over billions of years to reach this culmination of glory we call the human form. Just think of your little hand, and its vast array of functioning – what a mechanism. How fortunate to have this vehicle at our disposal. Our unfathomable mental capacities – this consciousness that far exceeds the power and functioning of the body, and our spiritual natures... What a blessing! This luminous, warm and powerful sun, this divine earth, Gaia, our Mother with its vast array of flora and fauna…this very life giving air we breath, that sustains and nurtures us… What a blessing. Civilization with its technological wonders, its modes of transportation, its art – poetry, dance, music, scupture and architecture, and even its governance with all its limitations. And the human beings, its primary inhabitants….their diversity and uniqueness of beautiful form and color, creativity, ideology, religion and so on. What a blessing. And last but not least, the opportunities that having this body and this life provide – to see and hear, to feel, to think, to eat, to locomote, to learn, to love, to meet wonderful beings – to experience so much….What a blessing? We are all such ungrateful wretches.

All this….can it not be the blessing of God? Can it not be the love of God? The mystics speak to their realization that God is Love, as do most religions and creeds if not all, are religions based on love – sympathy and compassion. And this life we lead, a school of love - a Love that is beyond our human comprehension and conception.

Apropos of this, is an aphorism that came to me re: love - “We want it the way we want it, but we must accept it the way it is given.” As a youth, I was disappointed in the manner that my parents loved me. They never told me directly that they loved me. Did not show much affection, nor praise, nor did they communicate much with me in words. To my limited understanding at the time, I felt unloved. It was only much later after their deaths that I realized that they had loved me profusely, but in their own way. My dear Mother through her unbelievable cooking and her care for me - washing my clothes, making my bed, and constantly worrying and looking after me, and in so many other ways that I was unaware of. Dad through his hard work and toil through the years putting bread on our table, and his always being there when I needed some cash to see me through rough times, and more.

Our selfishness, our narrow, self-centered, conditioned thinking disallows us, blocks us from seeing the reality of the love that flows to us from all points of the compass. We take for granted the innumerable blessings indicated above, but more so….the love that comes from people…from our brothers and sisters. Yes, it is not perfect, but it is there for us.

Look around….wake up to the Love that constantly comes to us in so many diverse ways and means. This love that heals, that brings solace and comfort, that brings happiness and contentment, that brings life…

“The only secret of attaining happiness is to learn how to appreciate our privileges in life. If we cultivate that sense of appreciation we shall be thankful, we shall be contented and every moment we shall offer our thanks to God, for His (her) gifts are many and enormous. When we do not see them it is because our wants cover our eyes from seeing all with which we are blessed by Providence. No meditation, no study, nothing can help in that direction, except one thing, and that is to keep our eyes open to appreciate every little privilege in life, to admire every glimpse of beauty that comes before us, being thankful for every little love, kindness or affection shown to us by young or old, rich or poor, wise or foolish. In this way, continually developing the faculty of appreciating life and devoting it to thanksgiving, we arrive at a bliss which no words can explain, a bliss which is beyond imagination: the bliss that we find ourselves having already entered the kingdom of God.” (Hazrat Inayat Khan)

* When I write God, I could also well say the Ground of Being, the Great Mystery, the Way, the Truth, one’s highest ideal, the Creative Energetic Source, Spirit, and so on.

(Your comments are welcome, JAMilgram@educationforbeing.com)

GROW UP ALREADY
March 2007

Fascinating how one awakens, becomes more aware. I was washing a spoon the other day, a piece from one of my Mother’s set of sterling silverware that we cherish and have preserved and use every day.

Suddenly, a flood of realization came to me along with tears and a loving warmth that suffused my heart. I had evolved in my thoughts and feelings about my parents through these many years. From abject disregard and little respect; to a sort of tolerance; to one of forgiving them for their felt “neglect” of me; to understanding that this perceived neglect was not really true, and that their love was real and pervasive, but did not come as I wanted it; to now… where I understand that I need to ask their forgiveness for my unwarranted, ill treatment of them at times. And so I did.

It seems to me that it takes so long to grow up, to realize, and to become fully human. Perhaps my perennial attitude and behavior of youth is a sign of this failure rather than something commendable. I feel so young, and perhaps it is because I am still a child, a child who remains immature. A child who has doubts about being an adult. Concerned about what that means, and the responsibilities that may come along with it – responsibilities for myself and my world. Frightened by this very thought and of who I really am, and the grave responsibilities this may entail.

We all are so afraid of being our true selves, so we remain children saying to the world and ourselves, I am not ready to take my place in society. I need more time to mature, more help, more work on myself, more healing, and so on……to get it together. I need to sleep some more…I am afraid. And so we remain…although our fears, like the fears of a child attending his first day at school are all illusions of sorts…

But fear stops us from loving, stops us from developing, and therefore stops us from being who we really are.

There is a real and a false self within each of us. The sages, saints and prophets of old and new proclaim this. There is an authentic, real person hidden behind the fabric of conditioning, socialization, acculturation, defensive behaviors, what have you that become numerous veils where the truth, the real is hidden… Our true selves hidden by the false – this false self created and maintained by our fears.

And where does all this fear derive from? I need digress… In a past essay, I spoke about the broken heart - that all if not most of us are walking around with one. We are broken hearted because somewhere early in our development along the line of our existence, we have been shunned, betrayed, unaccepted, disrespected and so on for acting and being who we think we are. Our hearts have thus been broken, broken many times.

In order to protect this broken hearted condition, we close our hearts as to be less vulnerable to hurt, and develop a myriad of defensive behaviors. Of Equal importance, we also close off to who we are - our true selves, and begin developing the false self. Again, as a protection for our broken hearts. Our trusting, our vulnerability and our faith in ourselves has been abrogated, has been betrayed. Our loving, wonderful child-like hearts and natures – naturally loving and good - are replaced by fear....fear of being hurt and fearful of being our real selves lest we be rejected again. We develop a persona, a false self and face that we believe to be a face that is more acceptable – a face to meet the faces that we meet. And thus we move away from our true selves.

We need to heal our broken hearts.

“Where there is life and love, there is magnetism; love itself is the healing power and the remedy for all pain.” (Hazrat Inayat Khan)

“…It is in loving that we are loved, it is in giving that we receive… (St. Francis of Assisi)

“The first letter of Genesis is the letter Bet and the last letter of the Torah is the letter Lamed. When we join these two letters, we form the Hebrew word, lev (Heart). The expansive consciousness of the Heart frees us of the limitations of the past and enables us to enter new beginnings. (Rabbi Moshe Aharon)

“When the heart is asleep, he is as though dead in this life, for one can only love through the heart.” (Hazrat Inayat Khan)

“Our defensiveness is just the broken heart speaking.” (J. Adam Milgram)

CRITICISM – A DEFENSE AGAINST LOVING
February - 2007

I am somewhat critical. It seems likely that I judge and evaluate most everything good or bad or right or wrong– people, situations, ideas, dress, appearance, manner and on and on. It is automatic, and for some time now (more than I wish to say) I have been “fighting” this critical nature of mine.

You may ask why? There are many reasons…..first, our criticisms are based on our judgments which are so subjective and grounded in so much habit and prior conditioning that they are usually assumptions that have little merit.

More so, who are we to judge and criticize. I am reminded of the biblical mote in my brothers eye versus the beam in my own. And who wants to be a person with a critical nature and attitude? How does that really promote anything positive in life?

By judging, evaluating and criticizing we also interfere with, and limit our understanding of the individual or situation. We literally stop listening and thus limit hearing, stop truly seeing and sensing and overall severely restrict knowing what IS. Our critical nature with its preconceptions of right and wrong and good and bad blocks learning, blocks interpersonal harmony and creates conflict and worse.

Seeing what is real, learning and understanding are facilitated by the reverse – a non-judgmental, non-evaluative, non-critical attitude, one grounded in acceptance, tolerance, empathy, sympathy and friendliness – all droplets from the sea of love and caring. Love, in fact, is the “knowing power,” in as much as the more we love a person (object, situation, etc.), the more he/she (it) reveals itself. In effect, loving opens hearts and minds. Love brings a sense of security, of safety, of validation…of worthiness to the person (group, situation, etc.) developing trust and affiliation.

Negatively judging, evaluating and criticizing leaves a bad taste in ones mouth as well. Loads one with unpleasantness, and leaves one’s conscience in shambles, not forgetting its deleterious effect on the world at large.

Not to belabor a point, but a phrase from a famed mystic brings it home to me. “What you do to others, you do to yourself.”

It was with all this in mind that a phrase came to me that deepened my understanding of the nature of criticism. The phrase was “Criticism is a defense against loving.”

Most, if not all of us are walking through life with a broken heart – a heart that has been betrayed in some manner. It seems inevitable that this occurs – and not just once. Whether through the ignorance/negligence of a loving parent or caretaker, an overzealous, critical teacher, a disloyal friend or dastardly lover, we all get our hearts broken, one way or another.

Hearts are like glass, and once broken, they are difficult to repair. This broken-hearted condition affects all of us most distinctly. One thing for sure, we develop attitudes and behaviors, strategies to protect this broken, fragile heart. One such outcome/strategy is the development of a critical nature.

For the more we love, the more vulnerable we are to further betrayal and hurt. By being critical and judgemental of others, we protect ourselves, for we lessen the chance of our loving another, and thereby lessen the chance that this other can harm us – bring pain to our already damaged heart. We need not love those people, situations, conditions and so on that we criticize.

This is a failed strategy of course. Not only for the reasons stated previously. The heart constantly longs for development, for expansion, for fulfillment, for more and more affiliation, attachment, relationship, for more and more opportunity to love – for love is like a river constantly flowing and expanding, nurturing oneself and the world. By practicing this defensive strategy, one certainly lessens one’s possible hurt, but this goes against one’s true nature, and therefore interferes with developing the only real source of happiness, harmony and beauty that can be found. Found, only in a loving heart.

Paradoxically, in order for love to develop and expand, one’s heart needs to be broken. How can one truly be a lover of life if one has not experienced rejection, betrayal or disillusionment and the pain of a broken heart? It is in the breaking of the heart wherein lies the opportunity for one to choose greater opening, growth and inclusiveness by continuing to love. It is the real crucifixion.

Even more bewildering is the reality that the only cure for a broken heart is to love. “A million times my heart has been broken, and thanks be to love it liveth yet.”
(Quote by Hzrat Inayat Khan)

THE SUBTLETY OF LIFE
January 2007

I enjoy jelly or jam with butter on my toast for my morning fare. Wanting to improve my eating habits, I recently switched from a very non-organic, overly sweetened, loaded with preservatives jelly to a more organic type – no preservatives and only some natural sugars.

And today while eating this new jelly – strawberry actually, I realized how much less a bang I got out of it – how much less of a taste it had for me, and I heard my mind say “the other is better.”

The thought then came that this is how the food manufacturers facilitate our eating their products - using the bodies pleasure centers. In effect, by using heavy doses of salt, sugar and other spices they titillate the senses and literally create addictions for these tastes.

Sugar of course is a first choice in taste throughout the animal world, so the food manufactures are just counting on Mother Nature so to speak to do their marketing and sales.

Now, this is no earth shattering realization, just my deeper recognition of it. And I certainly do not wish to cast aspersions on the food industry. They, like their brothers of the tobacco industry, use this addictive capacity, nicotine in their case, to sell their tobacco products, and it’s just doing business, and giving us what we want.

Funny… in the midst of writing this article, my wife and I went food shopping, While there, we ran into a relative of ours pushing a loaded cart, who exclaimed upon meeting us how full her cart was of sugar items. And it was. From cereal to soda to cookies, all chock full of sugar. If you look closely, most food products contain sugar no matter if it is really “needed.” Sugar sells!

Of course, there are many implications for this type of buying and consuming. For example, our society is presently realizing the negative health affects of eating large quantities of sugar products from diabetes to obesity and probably an array of other chronic health issues.

However, my thinking is focused on something quite different and more subtle in nature.

Addiction to these substances is like any other addiction. The more you get, the more you want, and the body also develops tolerance - as the addictive process continues, you need more of the substance to reach the same level of satisfaction.

Using sugar as an example, you develop craving – the cells crying need for the substance, and you consume more and more sugar products. But more so, your conception of what is sweet – what is sufficiently sweet for you, changes. Thus you become insensitive to the product, needing more and more sugar for your taste buds to say – “this is sweet.” Addiction of this nature literally dulls your senses for the addictive substance – sugar in this case. (Most likely all our addictions/habits have a similar effect.)

These “condiment addictions” literally destroy our sense of natural taste – taste of natural food. Most food products do have taste of their own (especially if they are raised organically), but for the vast majority of us, we have no conception of their real taste relying solely on our condiments. What happens is that we lose the real taste of things which may be much more subtle than we realize. In effect, we blunt our sensitivity.

I recall a veggie friend of mine who became ecstatic over a bowl of steamed broccoli she had ordered at a Chinese restaurant. I cannot imagine many of us who could attain that level of satisfaction over a bowl of broccoli.

Make certain, I am not criticizing the use of any substance – condiment, spice even sugar in cooking and eating. All substances have their place. It is the excessive use of these substances that creates the deleterious change I mentioned.

In pondering this we can generalize our understanding of this reality, and affect on our present behavior and culture. For sure, we have little time for subtle things – natural things, plain things, quiet things, things of a delicate character - things that take focus and attention, that take time, that take clarity, patience and peacefulness to sense, appreciate, understand and realize. Like spirit and the spiritual dimensions of life.

We have become dull! Insensitive if you will…and that relates perhaps to the present popularity of horror and action-action films, the kind of techno/blasting/speedy, overly loud, video imaging used in TV and movies, as well as our treatment of each other, our acceptance of starvation, homelessness and poverty and the horrors of violence and war, as well as our food preferences – overly salty, super sweet and spicy hot.

“Sugar and spice and everything nice.” (Your comments are welcome.)

AGING INTO GREATNESS
December 2006

It may be that youth open new vistas, rejuvenate life and bring new vibrancy and creativity into the world, and of course they will continue to replenish the source of wonder, beauty and innocence that refreshes the life stream.

But something has been added to the mix. Now, our elders are doing a similar thing. Aging has become the new platform and ground for creativity and the frontier for spontaneity, rebirth and renewal. The new and “improved” older person is being created and developed right before our eyes. Basically, a new type of being present on this stage of life.

Seemingly, older folk have also joined the cultures imperative to look good (slim and fit), exercise, eat sensibly, take care of one’s body (botex, et. al included), and of course one’s mind as well. You know, use it or lose it. Continue with brain activity, in effect continue to learn.

More so, the culture is presently dictating as well that we are in charge of our living and aging – that it is up to each person to create themselves and their own lives (and their good health as well) - a concept that all have pretty much accepted albeit sometimes begrudgingly. And there are health practitioners and motivational speakers of all sorts touting this theme through a variety of medium – interesting and mind boggling actually.

Our demographics are also changing dramatically as our population ages and there are fewer children being born, many people choosing to remain childless. People over the age of 60 will comprise a much larger proportion of our population thus having a greater impact on the culture as a whole. One famous aging specialist writes about our older population using its numbers politically to gain greater influence re: their needs over the needs of others – an interesting science fiction scenario.

Never-the-less, aging, being older is becoming “more popular” so to speak. Being older is being a part of the new trend setters, the in crowd. The ones with a lot of creative, inspiring, juice - a juice made more precious and powerful through long experience, and personal development. While the value of experience has been diminished in recent times, no one with any sense can doubt its importance to maturity - wisdom, strength and compassion. And while out of the mouth of babes come great things, older people are the obvious choice when it comes to better knowing and understanding life and how to best deal with it!

Presently, older people are being seen as an untapped resource in our society, primarily in economic terms for now. Besides the respect and honor they are due for having lived successfully and perhaps righteously, they are also the bearers of history and carriers of wisdom. Our elders will also hopefully be once more esteemed, honored and sought after as our teachers, statesmen, diplomats and artists.

After all, the aging years represent the culmination of one’s life, its fulfillment – the time to reap the benefits and harvest all that we have sown for ourselves and for others.

So the age of the aging is coming into being. How this is played out is up to each one of us. Now isn’t that something to be excited about? Let us all play our part in creating glorious, mature, wonderful older beings.

THE PATH OF HEART: THE FOUNDATION OF CARE
November, 2006

“Writing about love my pen splinters” writes Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th century mystic, saint, dervish and now, most widely read poet in America today. Yet, here am I writing about love…

This past week I gave a workshop entitled Spiritual Care: The Path of Heart for a program called Spiritual Care Basics, an eight week credential program in the spiritual aspects of aging. This was developed by Don Koepke, the director of the Center for Spirituality and Ethics in Aging in Anaheim. Don, a minister and Chaplin serving the elderly realized the need for such a center as the spiritual needs of the elderly were not being adequately addressed. He recognized that one’s continued spiritual involvement and development can positively affect one’s overall health and well-being, and can be of tremendous psychological and spiritual help in facing the challenges and opportunities of aging and dying.

Don has made me and the topic I represent part of his eight member faculty who comprise the presenters who speak to the various aspects of this large and important topic of spirituality and aging. I am most happy and proud to be a part of such a prestigious and well respected group of professionals in this area of expertise.

I cannot thank Don sufficiently and for his foresight in “taking a chance” on the acceptance of this topic. I am also thankful for the opportunity to present it.

Prior to the workshop in Alhambra, Don and I talked about this topic – this ‘love workshop”. He told me that he is realizing the great importance of it, and the fact that he has not been thinking about it nor “marketing” it in terms of its importance.

We both agreed that when you think and seriously consider it, love or caring is the very foundation and essence of all kinds of care-giving, and affects for good or bad all levels of professional and para-professional service workers and their functioning - their efficacy and outcomes.

Caring is the basis of care-giving, obviously, and that can be defined behaviorally and attitudinally as being kind, concerned, considerate, respectful, helpful, empathic, non-violent, and on and on…all, droplets from the ocean, the sea of love, and the Path of Heart.

It is love that heals… It is love that provides solace… it is love that brings a sense of belonging and acceptance… it is love that brings peace... It is love that limits suffering…It is love that brings safety….it is love that nurtures…it is love that empowers… it is love that knows and understands…it is love that brings us together -love is both the attracting and knowing power - it is love that creates, enabling all this growth and development, the evolution of humanity.

To serve is to love. Thus all people who serve others, and when you think about that….that’s a lot of people. All us service people – ministers, priests, rabbis, mullahs, physicians, nurses, case aides, physical therapists, psychotherapists, social workers, lawyers, businessmen, accountants, plumbers, butchers, street cleaners – on and on.

Aren’t we really here to serve one another? Isn’t that what we really do anyway..….serve! Serve our parents, sibs and relatives, serve our friends, serve our colleagues, our patrons and clients, serve our country, our God, etc, … And isn’t there “…not enough love to go around…” And isn’t that the answer to our most heart-felt desires and dreams? To live in a world of love, true love.

In the workshop I gave, I spoke to my understanding that life is a school (It is many, many other things as well). The first and last lesson in this school is love. This life is a school of and for love, and its curriculum is “The Path of Heart”.

“There is but one duty, to learn how to love. There is but one happiness, to know how to love.” (Teilhard de Chardin)

DIVERSITY IS JUST VARIABILITY
October 2006

A favorite theme of mine that keep rattling in my brain is at it again

I have written about individual differences previously, and the fact that there are no two people alike, not even so called “identical twins.” Each of us, incredible as it may seem – and there are a lot of us – are unique. There is no other being like you, in all aspects of who you may think you are – anyone is – unique in thought, feeling, perception, imagination, all physicality, and so on ad infinitum.

More so, there are no two identical of anything – days, nights, stars, earth/dirt, humans, animals, insects, rocks, trees (and each leaf on every tree), mountains and so on even to grains of sand, as well as all things created by humans… buildings, streets, lampposts, traffic signals, computers, cars, furniture, door knobs, nails and so on. All…are singularly unique, different in some manner(s)

This awareness opens many doors to understanding other aspects of life. One of these “doors” so to speak is the one that leads to the politically charged/politically correct word “diversity”. Here’s how it goes.

Seeing all this uniqueness, this singular, complex variability in this our human family, as in everything else as well, one must surely come to the conclusion that the Creator, God, or life/nature, this great mystery – whatever you wish to name it, is very, very creative. In fact, it appears that this creativity which produces this incredible variability or diversity as you may call it, is part and parcel of all life – it is the nature of life as we know it.

Seeing and understanding this may change one’s perspective about the over heated topic of diversity. You cannot fight Mother Nature. Surely, this diversity can foment forms of conflict, violence, destruction and cruelty. However, If diversity is the nature of life itself, one must learn to accept this, and acquire greater understanding, tolerance and appreciation.

Why all this fuss? Surely we are different in all ways including color and race, religion and belief, culturally, nationality and in sexual orientation as well. This is the way it is! And life will continue to spew forth new forms, new forms of everything – …more and more. Let us enjoy this awesome creativity. This feast is here for our senses, our appreciation, our learning and development, and our love.

***

All is permeated, enveloped, penetrated by this intelligence some call God. Ever creative, form upon form spews forth from its love making. (From Night and Day: A Personal Journey by J. Adam Milgram)

THE CHOICE IS OURS
September, 2006

Someone once asked Einstein what was the most important question to ask concerning life. He replied “is the universe a friendly place or not?” The question is a difficult one, and is unanswerable by any rationale, logical method. Being similar to “is there a God” or “are humans born basically good or evil”? Questions usually left to philosophers and theologians to argue.

Nonetheless, this does not minimize the importance of the basic question, for how one answers it may affect one’s overall attitude and behavior toward people and life in general. And while ordinary people on the whole probably do not grope with this question, all of us develop at least unconscious strategies and ways of being as a result of our thoughts and beliefs about it. If, for example, one decides that the universe is friendly, most likely one will think and act in a less protective and therefore more vulnerable manner than if felt otherwise.

Experientially, the universe appears to be both friendly and unfriendly. Speaking in a human fashion, it is good and bad, it gives life and it kills, it creates and it destroys – it is positive and negative. This is true of the universe, of all life on our planet including us homo-sapiens. The universe, life and people are wonderful and terrible, friendly and unfriendly so to speak, beautiful and horrible, and so on. So, how does one resolve this question posed by Einstein if one cannot obtain a satisfactory answer through the rationale, reasoning mind?

Apparently, this is where religion and spirituality enter the picture for this question lies in the area of belief and faith, However, faith and belief create another dilemma, for one can believe one way today, and believe in a contrary fashion tomorrow. Events effect us dramatically. A kind word, a helping hand, a loving relationship can create the thought/feeling and belief that life is friendly. Some betrayal the very next moment can have us thinking/feeling and believing the opposite.

But what is belief? Believing is really a choice – a choice one decides to make by one’s will, derived from our intellect – reasoning and understanding. In effect, we choose to believe. Belief is not provided to one from outside, from anyone or anything external to us. In fact, choosing (willing) to believe is the most powerful, god-like act us humans perform, and we do it all of the time, off-times unconsciously without realizing its impact. The choice to believe, disbelieve or stay neutral on any given issue/reality greatly affects ones life and the lives around one.

However, while we have this awesome power and responsibility to choose what we will, choosing to believe in the friendliness or unfriendliness of this universe is still a very hairy proposition. Firstly, it is a difficult choice to maintain given the changeable nature of the universe and of oneself. Furthermore, one has little control over the universe, and thus one’s choice is wholly dependent upon what is external to us and beyond our real control. For if one decides (chooses) that the world is friendly, how does one then account for all the “unfriendliness” – a most daunting task equal to our original question.

The answer to this conundrum in part lies not in attempting to decide how the universe truly is even utilizing the power of choice and/or belief. Instead we turn the question on its head and ask how do you want (wish) it to be? In effect, how would you like the universe, the world, people and so on to be? Once that desire is contemplated and the “decision” is made, than one can choose how one wants to act and be in order to create and facilitate ones desire (want/wish). If one wants/desires a friendly world, one can choose to act in a friendly manner, i.e. being kind, sympathetic, honest, tolerant, compassionate, considerate, charitable, etc.(the determination of “friendly behavior” certainly can be debated, but not in this essay.) This answer (this choice) not only uproots the original question, but it gives power, responsibility, creativity and self-determination to the individual – each one of us. In effect, one becomes a co-creator with God. And we, together can create the friendly world that we all (for the most part) want.

There is one more step to take in this process. As was indicated previously, while one can make such a choice as discussed above, how does one abide by it – day after day, through hardships and betrayals, through all the good and bad from people as well that life does try and test us? The answer is clear. While difficult, it is necessary to make a commitment to ones choice, ones desire and the behavior and activity ensuing from it.

Change appears the only constant in this universe of ours. Our bodies, thoughts and emotions, our relations, jobs, fashions, etc., etc. are in constant flux whether we care to give credence to this or not. Everything in this material existence is in a constant state of flux. “You cannot cross the same river twice” said Peracles. In fact, if anything has the potential, the possibility of remaining constant and unchangeable, it is ones willing commitment whether it be to a belief, an attitude, a goal, a relationship and so on.

For commitment enables one to endure in ones choice, thus creating constancy and continuity. Since change creates such an impermanent fixture in this material world, making a commitment, and thereby creating stability where no such thing exists is in effect a transcendental act – a spiritual act. An act that is beyond reason and fact, for everything is changing. One is therefore defying the natural law and in effect “stopping the world” – a very powerful act indeed

It is no wonder that the marriage contract and the vow of commitment to abide with another through all of life’s changes and challenges is usually sanctified by a religious ceremony. It can be boldly stated that marriage is made spiritual by this act of commitment.

More so, one’s commitment in marriage allows for stability and continuity and thus the creation of family and the rearing of children; endurance which facilitates the sense of security necessary for intimacy and communion and much more. Commitment literally validates the marriage act and is the foundation of all its functioning and potential accomplishments.

Making a commitment to act in a manner that facilitates the creation of a friendly universe also has meaningful side effects. In order to act “friendly”, one must become a friendly person. Once such a commitment is made one naturally develops in one the qualities and virtues inherent in being a friend – loyalty, perseverance, patience, tolerance, compassion, honesty and so on. Thus making a commitment to act in a manner that would facilitate the creation of a friendly universe allows for the possibility of the evolution of such qualities and virtues in oneself.

To answer the original question posed by Einstein, first one can choose to act in such a manner that has the potential to help create a friendly universe. Than one can commit to this choice (make a vow), and by this powerful, spiritual act, persevere in ones choosing. And through one’s perseverance, one will naturally develop in one self all the virtues that define what is best in humanity. For in order to act in a manner that creates a “friendly universe”, one must become a “friendly” person. If one than becomes a friendly person, in effect one succeeds in creating a friendlier universe, at least by a factor of one. If many of us makes this choice to create a friendly world, that is what we will have. The choice is ours.

THE PINE TREES
August, 2006

The other day, my friend who is a long term resident of Chester County , Pennsylvania , took me to the county park - Ridley Park . Actually, we were at that time checking out my finicky Italian car, and he mentioned the pine forest that was there.

We talked as we drove, and I had not paid much attention to the surroundings until we arrived. Our dogs Rhada and Fonzi had accompanied us.

The trees and the beautiful living things around us had not stirred from their winters sleep. We walked a ways until we reached the Pine forest, and there all was green, and wet and silent - the glorious pines standing straight - reaching for the light above. Their stunted lower branches sacrificed for the main thrust upward. Here and there some still standing, the dead and dying having been cut from the light by taller, stronger trees. Eventually, some had fallen to the ground, or had been caught in the arms of their more successful brothers and sisters.

In a flash of recognition I saw myself, humankind reflected in the story being played out in front of us by this cast of pine trees. We, too, in our own immutable manner are ever trying to struggle upward to reach the light. Our experiences, our journeying, the different paths (branches) we take - and the pines showing us by their defiant upward thrust that the straight and narrow path is the way.

And the tragedy, the pathos, the "suffering" of those who fall along the way - how inexorably awesome and beautiful. We walked amongst these valiant trees in silent wonder, our footsteps muffled by the carpet of fallen pine needles.

THE HUMMING BIRD AND THE BEE
July, 2006

The other day while lazily sipping coffee and staring out upon our open deck, my wife and I witnessed the most phenomenal thing - a battle, a war perhaps being played out in front of us. However, before I continue, you require some background.

We live in a condo in Southern California, and prizing nature we had turned our small exterior deck into a beautiful creation - a garden filled with a variety of plants, rocks, statues, tree trunks and sundry other garden items including a small humming bird feeder. It was a little guy, a flying saucer shaped disk with three tiny, red feeding apertures where the hummers could thrust their beaks and sip the sugared water inside that they so much enjoyed, and which we continued to supply.

Our joy was in watching the hummers as they flew and fed before us. What fascination in their truly incredible flying skills. What beauty in their radiant neon throat and body colors revealed only when the light hit them just right. The feathers rising out and down the back of their heads as they bobbed and dipped their long-pointed beaks unto the feeder. How inexplicably adorable. So.we've come to love these charming creatures - these little, speedy, helicopter-like beings had become a part of our extended family which naturally included he plants and Rhada, our dog. We often spent good time watching them. They lived in the large Eucalyptus trees that ringed our condo, and they often played, chasing each other through the space and the trees. Then came the bee.

It is said that life begets life, and we had begun to see this expressed in our garden. For example, we stopped re-planting our pots of annual flowers that had died for they had begun to reseed themselves. In fact, many of the plotted plants were sprouting seedlings from different plants on the deck-garden. If you know plants at all, they are most prolific and put rabbits to shame. More insects have appeared as well, especially spiders who I am cautiously learning how to relate with. The other day, a "biggy" moved in and webbed out a corner of the deck. I hope we can coexist. So.it was understandable and natural that something unwanted would come this way.

I am not prejudiced towards bees Their flying skills and weaponry is well known and respected. And due to the latter most of us humans are made somewhat insecure by these critters. Yet, up till the killer bee scare, they were generally not perceived as dangerous or harmful especially if you stayed out of their way.

With so much life going on - this jungle of a garden, we've obviously encountered bees before. I remember when the first bumble bee visited. You know, the fat, juicy-looking, yellow and black kind, basically motivated and programmed by instinct; suck flower to get juice, take juice back to hive kind of bumble bee. First, one came buzzing and then two buddies. Not bothering anyone, they'd just going about doling what comes naturally. I'd get up real close to observe them, and they never reacted. If anything, they acted like I wasn't there at all. I wonder how intelligent they are? Are we perceived as so inconsequential to their existence? I don't know. They continue to feast on our flowers and they are no problem.

Back to this other intruder - this other bee, or perhaps it was a wasp. It did not look like any wasp I had known back East. It was more like a regular yellow-jacket bee, similar in size, but brown in color. We've had them before attracted by the sugared water that coated the top of the humming bird feeder - left overs from the sloppy feeding habits of the hummers. They would buzz erratically around and onto the feeder attempting to get at the sustenance inside, but to large to get through the apertures. The feeder was specifically designed for hummers with their rapier beaks. Previously, one tenacious bee had somehow squeezed through the opening and had drowned in the fluid. For the most part, they would try to get at the sugared water, and eventually give up and fly away. Not this time.

On this day, Mr. bee came buzzing around the feeder, landed, crawled on to one of the openings and stayed. That in itself was not unusual, but what happened next was. A hummer came along, spotted the bee and flew at him in an aggressive fashion. The bee quickly retaliated, counterattacking by flying straight at the hummer. The hummer in defense retreated, flying backwards, continuously facing he bee, dodging its stinger and keeping it at a distance. The bee returned to the feeder and its vain attempts. Once more the hummer pressed the attack and the battle would renew initiating the same repetitive, sequential process as noted before over and over again.

We watched in amazement this intricate and wondrous feat of aerial acrobatics, this "dog-fight", this incredible dance, this strange confrontation, this battle of skill and perseverance, this inter-species warfare between a bee and a humming bird. The bee silent and earnest in its apparent annoyance. The hummer bruising the air with the speed of its invisible flapping, equally dispassionate and committed to its agenda.

Apparently, the hummers who are known for their territorialness felt infringed upon, and speaking even more anthropomorphically were probably protecting their turf, and more importantly their food supply. Whatever the case, it obviously wanted the bee gone and the bee was not complying. Eventually, however, he bee on its own without "help" from he hummer took off for easier pickings.

We were left bewildered at what we had witnessed believing the event to be an aberration, a rare event in nature, not to occur again. Sitting an drinking our coffee and ruminating over what we had experienced, we realized that this was a battle where no blood had been shed. Although there was lots of action, no one was stung or pierced. No one, in fact, had been touched. Perhaps the hummer was too swift and agile for the bee? Perhaps the bee was not capable of getting close enough to use its stinger? The hummer did not appear to want to use his spear-like beak for a weapon, but only flew close to chase the bee and force it to fly away. Interestingly, the battle was most equal. For while the hummer pressed the attack for some time, the bee only left when it was finished and of its own accord.

Later in he day and much to our surprise, the bee and the hummer returned and repeated with some variation this confrontation. This variation was significant. Sometimes, during the see-saw display, the hummer would land on the feeder along with the bee and take some nourishment from one of the unoccupied feeding holes. In this scenario, it was the bee who would first press the attack. Had the bee also claimed the feeder as his exclusive domain? Of greater interest was that for brief moments, the bee and the hummer together occupied the feeder. This moratorium on the feeder occurred several times during this engagement.

Shortly, the second battle ended like the first, each withdrawing when hey were finished satisfying their needs for food or fight.

What will the outcome be? Will one or the other succeed in claiming the feeder for itself? Will there be a compromise so to speak - each sharing the feeder in peace? Or will the conflict continue through time? A sage once remarked that the greatest scripture is the sacred book of nature that can be read by an enlightened soul. Life is a struggle. Our interactions and conflicts arise out of our differences and the demands predicated by our needs and their fulfillment. Sometimes there is conflict where winners and losers are created. Sometimes we learn to coexist in harmony. I wonder what will happen between the bee and the hummer?

LIFE IS NOT A GAME
June, 2006

One of the major creators of problems in life is a perceptual one - how we view life and our world. Let us take the perception (assumption) that "life is a game". If you look around, you can see this perception (this view of life) in the attitude and behavior played out in front of our eyes and ears.

In a game, you have winners and losers - and in the life we have that's what we see. There are so called winners: The rich, cultured, educated, privileged, landowner's - those with rank, position and power and so on. The losers: the poor, uneducated, under-privileged, uneducated, homeless or nearly so - inadequate without power or position, etc.

Sports, the all-American game is ever so popular for it symbolizes for many life in a simplified form. In the sports arena, there are clear cut winners and losers. And after all, it is only a game and for the most part harmless. There, competition rules as it should be. However, in this competitive life that we lead - dog eat dog as it is so aptly termed - it is not so simple, nor so neutral and harmless. For in this game of life that we play, there occurs great suffering, human degradation, oppression and injustice, gross unhappiness, disease, poverty and on and on.interestingly for both winners and losers. For like it or not, we are all tied together so to speak, and life in truth is an in interdependent reality. We all directly or indirectly affect one another for good or bad.

Now, let us make a perceptual shift. Let us all agree to view life as no game. That it is for real. And therefore everyone - all of us need to be winners. There can be no individual losers - no groups, no party's, states, races and creeds, nor countries. For if there are losers than we all lose. Keep the games in the stadiums where they belong - not in l ife .

What occurs when there are losers in life whether it be individual's, groups, countries, what have you? Well, these losers naturally feel bad, feel sad, and sometimes/off times feel deprived, oppressed and angry. All this can and often does lead to inappropriate behavior - destructive behavior. It takes the form of self destruction and violence toward others especially the meek and the weak. It takes the form of all kinds of antisocial behavior, and the negative, internal psychological states of low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and all kinds of mental and physical illnesses. It creates "them" and "us" dichotomies and polarizations, enemies and oppositional attitudes and behavior, usually creative of disharmony. It makes for wars of revenge, poverty, starvation and lots of hatred.

We need to stop making a game of life where we create losers. We must learn to take the path of making all the human family winners. For the blood and suffering is real whether it runs in city streets racked by the uncaring brutality, in jungle huts or desert sands in the name of some kind of special "ism" or professed glorious ideal or religion, or hidden under the guise of defending freedom and democracy and in the degrading, insensitive, disrespectful, uncaring and cruel manner in which we treat each other.

Presently, we blithely accept the lack of basic necessities - food, clothing, shelter and health care for millions of men, women and children here in the U.S.A and throughout the world; the incalculably destructive violence throughout our own society (including the abuse of women, children and the elderly) with it's formation of anxiety, fear and insecurity; the pollution and degradation of the environment - of Gaia, our Mother, on whom we all depend; the continued wasteful spending of precious billions of dollars on weapons production and the maintenance of vast armies all over the world, and the continued utilization of war and intimidation as a major arm of diplomacy and as a means to resolve international disputes and conflict.

Life is not a game. We all need to be able and willing to peacefully cooperate with all people in all aspects of life - to come together as one human family. To use our enormous, incredible human and natural resources wisely for everyone's welfare so that all our human family can live in peace, in love, in harmony, and in beauty - winners all!

We need to expand our consciousness, our understanding and realization that this beautiful, blue planet is our mutual home, that we all rise and fall together, that we all need each other, and that every one of us is precious and vital to the well-being of the planet and to the happiness and welfare of the human family.

We need to renew and revitalize the virtues - the attributes that lead to the fulfillment of human life that all beings deserve - tolerance, compassion, kindness, caring, understanding, forgiveness, respect, - all droplets from the sea of love. The commitment to and practice of these virtues towards all humanity will make winners of us all. As it is commanded in the Bible "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

SUCCESS IN LIFE
March, 2006

Whether it be work and career goals, marriage and family functioning or social and leisure activities, the success and fulfillment of all depend upon the quality of our interpersonal relations and our interpersonal skills. Life is relationship. We need each other to fulfill our biological, psychological, social and economic needs.

While our society idealizes individual freedom and independence, in truth our daily existence is predicated upon interdependency - on our mutual interactions with each other where we really depend upon one another (unbeknownst to us) to meet our basic needs. Just think of the number of people; all the various business and government entities involved; the countries and their regulations; and of course the levels of cooperation required so we can nonchalantly go to a store and purchase a pair of shoes. Who amongst us grows their own food, makes their own clothing, builds their own houses and cars? Who functions as their own lawyer, physician, pharmacist, architect and so on? We need each other, at times desperately.

Because of this everyday reality - this need for each other, our overall success in life is directly related to our ability to form, develop and maintain fulfilling, productive and enduring relationships. In fact, the more skillful we are at this, the better the quality of these relationships, the greater our success in life.

Today in our society, we are continuing to experience a breakdown in the sphere of interpersonal relations. The high divorce rate, the enormous amount of family and marital dysfunction, child and spousal abuse, the upsurge in racism and religious intolerance, the collapse of the neighborhood , disillusionment with our political figures, the unbelievable level of violence in our country and the general level of disrespect are all symptomatic of this breakdown. Yet, more than any time in history, the real problems of the day - poverty, white collar crime, environmental pollution and degradation, nuclear proliferation, the continuation of war as government policy - world peace demand ever higher levels of interpersonal communication, understanding and cooperation.

So much in life is paradoxical and interpersonal relations are no exception. For while it is genetically, biologically and socially determined that we move towards each other to fulfill our needs, forming, developing and sustaining these relationships is no simple task. No matter what our society (in particular the media and Hollywood ) and others may tell us, it is downright difficult - difficult for everyone. There are many reasons why this is so.

First is our individual uniqueness. There are no two people the same, even so called identical twins, and we grow more distinct as we age. We are not only singularly unique in our outward appearance - body build, proportion, color, height, weight, etc., but in every sensory, psychological, attitudinal and cultural index you may wish to use. We even perceive, think, believe and feel different from one another.

This uniqueness, these individual differences create a mind boggling complexity, and thus great difficulty (barriers) in understanding and relating to one another. This lack of commonality, this lack of similarity creates problems in identification, and thus difficulty in communicating which is the basis of developing cooperative relationship.

Another major factor is related to our prior negative experiences with others where we felt betrayed, abused, rejected or in some way disrespected by another. If we experience traumatic and abusive relationships with sufficient frequency and or strength, we may eventually close our hearts and deny our needs for others as a means of self-protection. This can occur in adulthood as well as in childhood. Most of our population at least to some extent is suffering from this malady - a closed heart. The resultant behaviors go from being shy and overly cautious and fearful of others, to being antisocial, emotionally disturbed and so on. The main dysfunction and social effect is that some people are so afraid and so untrusting of others, that they close themselves off and shutdown., and/or develop counter productive, defensive strategies which leave them incapable of forming meaningful relationships.

So.we see that relationships are necessary for life and that there are barriers and difficulties to develop and maintain them. What is there to do? First, we must make a conscious decision, a commitment that we wish to create more positive, productive, fulfilling and meaningful relationships. This commitment will enable us to endure and persist in this quest which eventually will lead to success. This is not easy by any means. That's why a commitment is necessary.

The second step is to learn how to communicate with others, and what kinds of behaviors and attitudes are conducive in developing fulfilling relationships. Communication comes from the Latin communion which is the idealized state that relationship can achieve. Communication is the key, the mechanism to forming and maintaining relationships. It is the means by which we can get to know, understand, accept and appreciate another human being. In the "normal" social reality, for the most part, we only know people superficially. And conversely, we tend to hide our true nature from people fearing their judgments and evaluations. To form any meaningful relationship we must learn to share and get to know each other at ever deeper and more meaningful levels.

Communication is a skill that can be learned and practiced. Acquiring communication skills like listening, paying attention, being genuine and able to self-disclose, being non-judge mental, being truly interested in others and their concerns, being respectful, being tolerant and an acceptance, and so on go a long way in making one a good communicator and a friend to others. And that's the secret behind the secret to success in life. A student, realizing the importance of positive relationships asked her teacher how she can make friend's with others. The teacher simply answered ".in order to make friends, you must learn to be a friend." Friendship. Isn't that what relationship is all about?

If you can be a friend to others, no matter what your circumstances in life, you will prove to be a success.

BEING
DECEMBER, 2005

I was giving a talk to a group of very cool and together older people, mostly retired folk, called Living Longer: A Time of Increased Opportunity . One of the points I was attempting to make was that aging provides the freedom to be more authentic, to be more your real "you" so to speak - the real personae that is inherent in you - your true nature, the real ego, and so forth.

Perhaps this authentic you can be explained as the archetype of ones personality - the ideal model as Jung would postulate. Maybe, we are comprised of a combination of these archetypes - these "perfect" exemplars. Or more so, perhaps it is the divine personality of which you are an example/exemplar ..not ego, but Ego. You know, "made in his (her) image.

However you wish to conceptualize this "real being" and it is truly beyond words and the mind, know that it is there.

Now, as part of the master plan of the universe's unfoldment, we are all tasked to become and be this authentic being - to discover and create our true selves. That is our life's mission and perhaps the main purpose for our life.

There are many obstacles, pitfalls, road blocks, and detours on the road to accomplishing this realization. It is the path of the seeker, the explorer, the adventurer and not all wish to follow it.

In older age, one has greater freedom to discover, become and be this self-actualized, enlightened individual. You may no longer have a "boss" external to oneself. You may no longer need to achieve in life's marketplace, to work and so on. And if you choose, you can be free of what others think of you or think of what you should be. You can be the master of your fate, if you so desire.

All this is prelude to what occurred after completion of my talk. During the Q & A a man arose...tall. strong looking, bearded in his 70's most likely. Sitting on the front row, he stood, faced the audience and speaking with an impassioned, sincere voice stated that he was tired of being a phony, and the role he has played all of his life. He had been a film director. He was sick of all that falseness and had decided to be a more real, authentic person. He was angry and was determined that nothing was going to deter him. I was astonished to hear this self-disclosure that so validated what I had been sharing during my talk. Although the man in question gave no credence as to its bearing on what he was saying.

There is an awareness within us of the truth of our being, a recognition that we are more than we are revealing to ourselves and the world. A personality and being that is wiser, more competent and adequate, stronger and more powerful, more loving and compassionate, and even more beautiful on all levels than we have imagined - and more real! A persona in which we feel to be more ourselves..comfortable, content, accepting, meaningful, happy and grateful for being in the world.

Last updated: July 10, 2009

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

THE BIRDS: JUNE - 2009

PROMOTION OF WELL-BEING: MARCH - 2009

“MAKE GOD A REALITY AND S/HE WILL MAKE YOU THE TRUTH”: FEBRUARY - 2009

WHAT’S WITH THIS MADNESS OVER HOMOSEXUALITY? JANUARY - 2009

WHERE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE? DECEMBER - 2008

AN EXPERIENCE OF BEING: OCTOBER - 2008

ON UNDERSTANDING: SEPTEMBER - 2008

A PSYCHO SPIRITUAL APPROACH TO HEALING DEPRESSION: AUGUST - 2008

THE PHENOMENON OF LABELING: JULY - 2008

FEAR OF NOT BEING: JUNE - 2008

THE STATE OF BEING: MAY - 2008

THE FALSE SELF OR ONE’S CONCEPTION OF WHO ONE IS: APRIL - 2008

SOME THOUGHTS ON KINSHIP CONSCIOUNESS: MARCH - 2008

OUR GREAT MALADY: FEBRUARY - 2008

GLORY BE TO OVERFELT pARK: JANUARY - 2008

THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH: NOVEMBER - 2007

THE POWER OF ONE: OCTOBER - 2007

AGING IS A MYTH: SEPTEMBER - 2007

THE NAFS HAVE GOT ME: JULY - 2007

THE BROKEN HEART OF HUMANITY: JUNE - 2007

THE BALANCE OF LIFE: MAY - 2007

IT’S ALL ABOUT LOVE: APRIL - 2007

GROW UP ALREADY: MARCH - 2007

CRITICISM – A DEFENSE AGAINST LOVING: FEBRUARY - 2007

THE SUBTLETY OF LIFE: JANUARY - 2007

AGING INTO GREATNESS: DECEMBER - 2006

THE PATH OF HEART: THE FOUNDATION OF CARE: NOVEMBER - 2006

DIVERSITY IS JUST VARIABILITY: OCTOBER - 2006

THE CHOICE IS OURS: SEPTEMBER - 2006

THE PINE TREES: AUGUST - 2006

THE HUMMING BIRD AND THE BEE: JULY - 2006

LIFE IS NOT A GAME: JUNE - 2006

SUCCESS IN LIFE: MARCH - 2006

BEING: DECEMBER - 2005

THE POWER OF ONE
October 2007

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

THE POWER OF ONE October 2007

THE POWER OF ONE
October 2007